


Remnants

by kutikue



Series: Shades (Nier & Kingdom Hearts) [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts, Nier Gestalt | Nier
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alchemist!Yonah, Almost everyone gets a body, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And you get a body, Angry!Vanitas, Blacksmith!Yonah, Canon-Typical Tragedy, Consensual Underage Sex, Crack Pairing, Enchanting(Skyrim), F/M, Human Experimentation, I Will Go Down With This Ship, If you know anything about the story of Nier..., Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Insanity, Library, M/M, Magic Allergies, Misplaced Anger, Moogles, More tages, Non-Human Humanoid Society, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Personal Space, Possession, Projection, Psychological Torture, Rating May Change, Replicants, Sharing a Body, Slow Burn, Smithing(Skyrim), Synthesis!Yonah, Terminal Illnesses, Torture, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Rape/Non-con, Underage Smoking, Vanitas likes to cuss, Vanitas loves his helmet, You get a body, grimoire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-13 16:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21166460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kutikue/pseuds/kutikue
Summary: As Gestalt fell, Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir used their magic to protect their ward Yonah, who has lost most of her memories and a portion of her heart along with her brother Nier.  In a Library on an unnamed world Vanitas is running an errand for Master Xehanort, where he encounters a pair of talking books, a blue-eyed bitch and seriously loves his helmet.  It's the best thing in his life.As Vanitas tries to grow stronger, he is faced with information about the research that created him from Ventus, and that there were Others before them.  Xehanort didn't come up with the idea to create him on his own.Yonah just wanted to join the Moogles Synthesis Guild, craft accessories and upgrade Armour to help Neir, Noir, Weiss and Vanitas.  Being possessed by Tyrann, put in new bodies as the Black Scrawl continues to kill her repeatedly and used as a pawn to keep Neir supplying Maso means just living her life is no longer an option.  But what can a sickly, frail girl do to tip the scales?Covers the Story up until Birth By Sleep.





	1. The Library

Vanitas doesn’t particularly hate libraries  _ per se _ . He just doesn’t particularly like them either. In theory, they’re well-organized places that are quiet, where you can tell people to shut up, everything is easy to find, you can tell people to shut up, no one will bother you and you can tell people to shut up. In actually, he has no idea what in the fuck this do-it number on the scrap of paper he’s holding is supposed to do to help him find what Master Xehanort wants, and there’s about thirty more after this one, there’s no  _ librarian on staff _ , and he’s just about to lose his temper if one more thing today goes wrong-

Like shoving a ladder out of his way and hearing a high-pitched “eep!”, right before accidentally catching a short girl with brown hair and glasses. They both freeze, and Vanitas is thankful as  _ fuckall _ for his helmet right now because seriously? His face had better not look as stupid as hers does right now.

“U-um, thank you?” She awkwardly moves to stand, just as he not-quite-as-awkwardly tries to set her down, and she sheepishly rubs the back of her head, mussing up an already disheveled bun “Sorry about that, I thought I locked the ladder in place.” Vanitas’ eye zeroes in on the mechanism that must have unlocked when he shoved it, opting not to mention that she  _ had  _ locked it and would have been fine if he wasn’t an ass or had bothered to look up before shoving a ladder. “Ah, you dropped this-” Vanitas snatched the piece of paper out of her hand before she could hand it back, scowling out of habit even though the girl wouldn’t be able to see it. Seriously, what was her problem? Trying to be helpful after he just dropped her, even if he did catch her, catching her had been an accident-

“Er, sorry, do you understand me?” Her head tilted to the side slightly, and she had taken a half step forward as if trying to see his face. Vanitas instinctively took a step back because Personal Space, his mouth gaping open as he tried to find the words to tell her to  _ step off _ . And then she did something funny with her hands.

With one hand he pointed at him, tapped her flattened fingers to the side of her head, and then waved both her pointer fingers in a circle in front of her with a curious look on her face. Vanitas openly gawked, wondering if the girl had hit her head on the way down, then immediately questioning if  _ he  _ had been hit on the head when two  _ talking books  _ swooped down onto either side of the strange person in front of him. “Miss Yonah!” A heavily ornamented book with a stern visage hovered anxiously, fluttering about as if checking for injury Yonah held her hands up, looking quite a bit more nervous now. “Are you quite alright? Oh, you gave me quite a fright-”

The second book, black with a laughing face, opened his back cover in what could only be described as a slap to the other book “Calm down, the kid’s fine. You there, boy.” Vanitas took perhaps a moment too long to point to himself, distracted by the amusing sputtering of ‘Kid! I’ll thank you to refer to our mistress by her proper title you insufferable-’ “Thanks for catching our ward, we owe you one. Grimoire Noir, and the stuffy one is Grimoire Weiss-” 

“STUFFY!?”

“-and seeing as how your in a library, I think it’s safe to assume your here looking for something, right?” Vanitas nodded, silently questioning his sanity. “Oh good, you do understand speech. See, kiddo here was starting to wonder, which is why she tried sign language, but maybe you just don’t talk.” A red orb of magic formed around the piece of paper held loosely in his hand, hovering in the air before Yonah a moment before she nodded and Grimoire Noir returned it to vanitas, all too fast for him to protest. “228.58 CHV, that should be on the next floor...do you have other books to find?”

“...yes.” Reluctantly, he pulled the list out of his pocket, handing it over to the girl. He’d been walking in here for forty minutes without any luck, and if she could tell him where shit was, well…

Yonah pulled a pencil out of her bun, her hair falling nearly to her waist as she marked a few items on the list. “Shiro?” the white book somehow gave the impression of puffing out his chest before opening his pages and taking the list, flying off in a burst of speed. “He’ll come back with the numbers from the reference desk, then we can re-organize it so we don’t have to keep walking back and forth.” Yonah held out her hand in a motion Vanitas recognized “My name is Yonah, it’s nice to meet you…” Vanitas crossed his arms, turning his head to the side. “...” Grimoire Noir tsked “Rude.”, but it was Yonah’s laugh that confused him “No, it’s fine. I mean, I dropped out of nowhere on him, and he obviously doesn’t want to be bothered.” She bowed politely “Sorry for the inconvenience, after we find those books we’ll leave you in peace. I mean, it  _ is  _ a library.” She shot a meaningful look at Grimoire Noir, who gave the impression of rolling his eyes as he floated in a rolling motion. Weird.

Finding the books after ‘Shiro’ got back took a mere twenty minutes, which would have pissed him off if he wasn’t so ready to leave. During checkout Yonah scribbled something on the back of his list, and while he was tempted to throw it away he missed the opportunity when she opened a book in the pile he was carrying and placed it inside. She smiled at him and said “For next time, in case no one’s here to help. The librarian is almost never here now.”  _ Why does she look sad about that? _ He shook off the feeling, turning around abruptly and ignoring Grimoire Weiss’ sudden outburst about his lack of manners, even as Yonah attempted to shush the tome.

Master Xehanort was absent when he returned, no doubt not expecting him to be done so quickly. Bored, he leafed through a couple of the books, crumpling up the list and throwing it in the trash when he came across it. He wasn’t curious. Not at all.

Damnit.

On the back in neat precise writing was instructions on how to easily find anything in the library. He cursed, wondering why the hell his Master couldn’t have given him such clear instructions, it would have made his day a hell of a lot easier and he could have avoided those stupid interactions. And still wound up here, alone. Bored. With nothing to do. Damnit. At least he’d probably never have to deal with those three again. Right?

_ Sorry about Kuro and Shiro, they don’t always know how to interact with people. _

_ Thank you for catching me and letting me help with the books, it was fun hanging out today. I hope we can meet again sometime. _

_ Yonah. _

Stupid blue-eyed bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yonah calls Grimoire Weiss 'Shiro' and Grimoire Noir 'Kuro'. She also currently is a teenager, approximately same age as Ventus/Vanitus, with long brown hair and blue eyes who wear glasses. That will be explained later. Lots of head cannon here, this story refuses to leave my head so I'm putting it down on the keyboard. Enjoy the ride, I've been replaying Nier and it's gonna get dark. Cause Nier.


	2. Hareraiser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yonah Travels to Bran Bal to try to apprentice herself to the moogles, and meets her first unversed. Vanitas has a Bad Day, but doesn't he always?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I felt like Writing today. Wrote and uploaded two chapters and a one-shot, not including just working on story boarding and some background stuff and other things that I wanted out of my system but aren't ready to fit in the story line yet. hardest part of this is gonna be sticking to a timeline...and not letting these damn kids have a hug. Oh well.

“Honestly Miss Yonah, I wish you wouldn’t talk to strangers. I don’t think that lad had any manners in him what-so-ever, the absolute  _ nerve _ , he could have at least introduced himself  _ properly _ , or even told you his  _ name _ ! Clearly, he is capable of speech, and furthermore-” Yonah hummed happily, nodding along every so often to give Grimoire Weiss the impression that she was listening to his lecture. Much as she adored Shiro, she honestly didn’t mind how things had gone with the strange boy. He  _ had  _ saved her from a rather nasty fall after all, and he had answered Kuro, even if it had only been one word. Maybe it was a cultural thing?

Yonah couldn’t remember much of her own world, and when she asked the Tome’s about it they were evasive. It was hard to say whether they were embarrassed about their own lack of knowledge, or if the information was deemed ‘too much’ for her. Honestly, she knew they were looking out for her, but she wasn’t that frail!...usually. Most of the time. Okay, maybe she was, but a little bad news wouldn’t put her back on bed rest. Probably.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as it used to be at any rate, at least as well as she could remember. Maybe it was something in the air of this world, an appropriate humidity or lack of chemical in the air, but her lungs seemed to be mostly free of the cough that usually plagued her. She had even gone a whole nineteen days without needing any bed rest last month!

But it was probably best not to push it. Especially if she got approval to join the guild. Sure, Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir could probably take care of her, but she wanted to  _ do  _ something, not just ‘focus on feeling better’.

“Give it a rest, the kid gets it already! Let's check out and get back to the Inn, we need to get some food in this kid.” Gathering up scattered notes and books, Yonah tried to tune out their squabbling. Shiro was prim and proper, always insisting on titles and the like even if they weren't necessary, while Kuro was more of a slightly cranky Uncle. Sure she adored them, but she wasn’t a child, and it was starting to get old the way they talked like she wasn’t even there. “I ate a few hours ago-” “That was hardly a substantial meal! An apple and some cereal does not qualify as a meal, you are a growing girl and-”  _ and tuning out of this conversation _ . Checking out took next to no time, and she was back at the Inn eating a ‘proper meal’ what seemed like a minute later.  _ Did I space out, or lose time again?  _ A glance at the clock showed two hours had passed. Yonah sighed, opting for a nap instead. It wasn’t a serious chunk of time anyways.

Days passed.

Weeks.

A Month.

Two.

And then, a letter. Acceptance into the Synthesis Guild, pending a three week trial period. They would be picking her up in four days. Did they know she wasn’t a Moogle? Her name made it obvious right? Did it matter? Did they care? “Pacing isn’t gonna change your species kiddo.” Yonah sat down with a huff, pulling her glasses off to rub at her tired eyes. As they slipped off her face the brown seemed to seep out of her hair from roots to tip, leaving it gilded silver, and she blinked open her now-grey eyes, already feeling better without the foreign magic in her system. “I know...but what if it’s a problem?...what if  _ I’m  _ a problem? I’m not…” She gestured at herself helplessly. She had spent her time in between study sessions on the basics of alchemical theory and synthesis trying to bulk up her meager muscles, knowing that if her body couldn’t handle the precision tools and hammer her practical knowledge wouldn’t do much good. But every time she tried… “My body just won’t...cooperate.”

Putting her glasses back on, Yonah fought down the nausea as the small rush of magic entered her system, staining her eyes blue and browning her hair once again. Grimoire Weiss gave an impression of frowning, an impressive feat considering his permanently dour expression “Miss Yonah, while remaining disguised is of paramount importance, I must implore you to minimize your body’s exposure to magic! You seem to be taking better to it, true, but once you reach your limit…” Another grimace had Yonah pulling out a potion to sip on, more to distract her body than for need of one. “I know. But it’s just foreign magic I’m allergic to, if I make tools with my own it should be fine.”  _ Should be. Right.  _ “Besides-” She stood up, holding a clenched fist to her chest as determination filled her eyes, temporarily overriding the magic and returning them to their true grey “I want to be a Synthesizer!” Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir shared a look, as if asking each other ‘what can you do?’

The world of Bran Bal was an overrun complex of moogles, inter-spaced with the occasional, chocobo, machinery, and otherworldly plants that Yonah’s head couldn’t stop spinning around. Luckily for her, both Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir were gently prodding at her back and sides when she started to walk off track, and her guide Mog was taking it all in good humor. Several other moogles called out during the tour briefing, happy to meet a new guild mate and very curious about having a human on their home world. “No need to fret Kupo-po! Your actually the eleventh non-moogle to join the guild in its history. Its unusual, but not unprecedented, and certainly not against any rules!”

Yonah couldn’t stop  _ smiling _ . This world was positively  _ bursting _ with latent magic, but none of it was reaching out for her the way it did on Gestalt, it laid in wait, possibly inaccessible to an off-worlder. The blues, greens, browns and- “are those pyreflies!?” She knelt down on the vine path to try to get a better view, seeing the colorful specters passing below. “Miss Yonah!” “Careful Kiddo!” Both Tomes pushed her away from the edge, even though she wasn’t all  _ that  _ close to it. Mog chuckled “Kupo-po! Little bit of overlap with our world and the others we frequent, with the way synthesis works we often bring back more than we mean to, and vice-versa. Bran Bal had a history of being connected to other worlds however, so isn’t a major issue.” Yonah blinked “So...minor issue?” Mog shrugged “Not really. In the old days it might have been, but the worlds are pretty much on their own these days. Not a lot of Masters anymore, so they mostly leave us established worlds alone, so long as we don’t ‘interfere’ too much.”  _ Masters? Interfere?  _ “That, and they often contract us for work, so they’ll look the other way. But you’ll learn about that later, let's get you settled first, kupo!”

The room was small but comfortable. A circular bit inside of a tree trunk with the necessities, including some basic gear to get started. Yonah had wanted to change into her new clothes right away, but was told until she was officially apprenticed that they were only to be worn while she was on duty. Dinner was a group event, the Moogle society was very sociable so all meals were tended to be group ones. Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir had left to explore the world on their own, deeming their ward safe enough. An hour of soft chatter and trying new food and drink was enough. More than enough. Happily, her new friends didn’t want her on nearly as tight of a leash as her guardians, and had no issue with her taking a walk around, though they did remind her to watch her step, as it was a bit of a fall.

A member of the cartographers' guild had been kind enough to gift her a map as a welcoming gift, so she had no fear of getting lost. Unless she saw an adorable creature in need. Like a fluffy...bunny? “Awwwww….’ She approached quietly, wondering if it was native to the world or something from another place, like the pyreflies. It jumped slightly at her approach, crouching slightly. It had a mostly black body with red tipped ears, pink on the interior. And was obviously injured. Yonah sat down outside of its reach, doing her best to seem nonthreatening. Which was fairly easy for her, honestly. Eventually the creature took a hesitant step forward, and when Yonah didn’t move, it continued its advance until it was close enough for Yonah to touch.

“Hey there...can you understand me?” It cocked it head at her, seeming to at least recognize speech. “Hm...I’m gonna try to help you, okay? I’m gonna move now-” Yonah slowly moved her arm, and the creature jumped back. Yonah continued her reach, pulling out a potion from the pack on her side. The ‘bunny took a few steps forward, sniffing the air, as if recognizing the bottle. “Yeah, this is for you.” A few steps and it was all but sitting in her lap, face turned upward expectantly. Fighting down the urge to coo or squeal at its cuteness, Yonah helped it drink the potion and watched as the injury on its ear seemed to effortlessly knit itself back up. “There you go, all better!” It continued to stare at her, waiting. “Um…” She patted it head, surprised when it made a purring noise. “Oh!” Cautiously Yonah gave the ‘bunny’ a bit of a hug, letting out a squeal when its ears wrapped around her in turn and it briefly nuzzled its face against her before squirming and hopping away. “Aww….bye!” She waved before turning around and walking away, making a mental note to ask the moogles about the creature.

Naturally Weiss lectured her for nearly twenty minutes straight when she arrived back at her room; for leaving without them, wandering on her own, worrying them, putting herself at risk, interacting with a wild animal- “I’m not sure it was actually, it seemed to understand what I was saying to it, and it knew what a potion was-” 

“WASTING VALUABLE SUPPLIES-”

Yep. Walked right into that one.

“Calm down. So the kiddo wasted a potion on some dumb rabbit, so what? More importantly, “ Noir turned to level a look at Yonah. Noir almost never reprimanded her, so this had to be serious. She paled a bit, wondering if it was something serious after all. “If this apprenticeship works out...we might be leaving you with them for a bit. We got a lead.”

  
  


**Block. Block. Slash, dodge, dodge, fucking ** ** _move_ ** . “Too slow.” Another blow landed on Vanitas’ right arm even as he skidded back and forced his body back into a ready stance, his shoulder screaming at him to lower his arm.  _ Don’t show weakness. Not to him. _ Master Xehanort raised an arm, sending waves of magic after him. The unexpected change in offense after nothing but physical attacks almost left him unable to react, and he was noticeably sloppy. Dammit! “Unacceptable. Again!” The desert air of the Keyblade Graveyard was dry in his throat, even through his helmet. But at least if he kept quiet, controlled his breathing, he could keep his mouth open, Master Xehanort wouldn’t see him gasping for air, wouldn’t see  _ weak weak  _ ** _weak_ ** .

Crack!

He dropped his keyblade.  **He dropped his keyblade.** Scrambling, he re-summoned it, panic clear, unversed sprouting off of the darkness rising off his body like an extra shadow,  _ fuck _ , he wasn’t paying attention and- “Enough.” Master Xehanort lowered his hand, and after a moment Vanitas dismissed his keyblade, unversed returning to his body in a fine black mist, “...”

“Disappointing, but not wholly unexpected.” Arms folded behind his back, the old man began his usual monologuing. Normally irritating, annoying at the very least, but today there was an edge, an undercurrent to it that had Vanitas tasting a spike of fear, unversed on the edge of his power, just waiting to break free again. “-twenty five minutes. Understood?” Shit, what? Vanitas nodded, hoping he had just been told to get his shit together, cleaned up, and to report for a mission. Master Xehanort disliked repeating himself, but disliked orders not being followed promptly even more. And today, with his body already sore and his stupid emotions on edge, Vanitas just didn’t feel like testing his luck.

His luck was Shit. He already knew that, sure, but this was next level shit. Sure he had guess right with the old man, but then his mission went completely sideways, and now he was just hoping nothing found him while he was on the edge of blacking out, hiding in a fucking hallowed out tree thirty feet of of the goddamn ground like a  _ coward _ . And he wasn’t scared. He  _ wasn’t _ . Screw what the throbbing in his head said, just because his dumb power made Hareraisers didn’t mean he was scared.

Dammit.

Another thirty second and he should have enough magic gathered from this stupidly fertile world’s air for a weak cure spell at least. That should be enough to fix his arm, and that’s all he really needs. Screw the old man for all but taking out his dominant arm, if he was planning on sending him out he shouldn’t have put him at a disadvantage like that! Or was that the point? Was he supposed to be strong enough that a handicap like that didn’t matter, or was he so weak that simple attacks like that had done more damage then they should have?

**Crack!**

High alert, he shifted, stifling a groan as his stiff muscles protested the sudden movement before he ‘smelled’ the familiar creature, wondering how it was making its way up. Most of his unversed had been taken out, he’d thought all of them had for a bit; it had fucking  _ hurt  _ having so many of them return to him at once like that, but some of them must have just been injured. A moment later he was face to face with his own creation, which looked fresh as a damn daisy. The hell?

The unversed made its way into the somewhat cramped space, smooshing its way into his lap as his eyebrows climbed all the way into his hairline “What are you-” It’s ears wrapped around his shoulders like some kind of blanket “-trying to-” and it laid its face over his chest just a bit to the left, right over his pounding heart “-...fuckin’ weirdo.” hesitantly, he used his mostly uninjured left arm to awkwardly pat it on its head, the living blanket warming up his aching body and lulling him into an unwelcome sense of something like...relaxation? “...what’s got you in such a good mood, huh?...Fuck, why am I talking to you, it’s like talking to myself, but worse. Ugh.” Half-halfheartedly he pushed it away, the effort not really going through at all and the thought crossed his mind that if he really wanted it gone all he had to do was take it back.

“...after I’m done healing. Your lucky your warm shitbag.” The damn thing purred, and he yanked his hand back as though burned, realizing he had been petting it. Fuck, maybe he hit his head harder then he though. Sleep was sounding better and better.

Vanitas liked to keep his secrets. The memories he got from the unversed were his dammit, even more so then the unversed themselves. To say he was surprised to see that blue-eyed bitch again was an understatement. He quashed down the feeling of being glad she had healed and been kind to his Hareraiser, she hadn’t know it was an unversed, she had thought it was a fluffy fucking bunny! How dare she! Anyone! They were his,  **his** , no one else should be able to-

Cold. The Hareraiser hadn’t returned to him after all, it was headed down the tree. Scouting? Screw it, not like he needed them all to return to him. There were dozens scattered across several worlds already, what was one more? He didn’t need them. They were just tools. He only missed that one because it had been a good blanket. “...screw it.” He might as well head back. This mission was a wash anyways.


	3. Laundry Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yonah starts her life as an apprentice without Weiss and Noir by her side. Vanitas trains too hard, and winds up back on Bran Bal to wash the desert out of his beloved helmet. A certain Unversed brings them face to face again in the forest, where Yonah tries her best and Vanitas...compromises.

Life without Kuro and Shiro should have been lonely. But with the way they had been hovering it was almost more of a relief. The first few days of Yonah’s trial run had gone so seamlessly that Mog had decided to take her on full-time, leaving her guardians to go off world to follow up on their mysterious ‘lead’.

_ “It probably isn’t the hussy, but a mouth that foul needs to be investigated just in case...be sure to take care, eat all your vegetables and listen to your teachers, hm?” _

_ “Remember Kiddo, you can be Yonah to us and your Guild, but if you go off world or someone else comes here its just Kid. From here on out we need to be more careful, a disguise might not be enough to cut it. If we’re getting leads, so can the enemy. Oh, and have fun.” _

The first night she woke up covered in a cold sweat but didn’t know why. The second night she woke herself up screaming, and connected the dots. Kuro and Shiro weren't here to monitor her, so they couldn’t wake her up either. The terror faded quickly enough, even as her mind tried desperately to grasp onto the wisps of memory. It felt like she was so close to remembering when she woke up sometimes, like if she could just clearly glimpse who that boy who seemed to be so  **n** ea **r** -

...

Yonah woke up with a pounding migraine and considered seeing if Mog would let her have the day off. Even the idea of putting her glasses on, such a small amount of magic, sent another spike through her tightly closed eyes. A small noise in the room had her snapping her eyes open, on high alert- oh. “...Bunny?”

It must have had higher intelligence then she had given it credit for, since it had traced her down. It was nosing through her pouch, looking for food maybe? Or was it hurt again? “Nnnuh…” Yonah plopped out of bed, trying to minimize the amount of light piercing her brain by squinting, silvery bangs adding another blessed layer between her and the offending light. The creature hop-stepped closer, sniffing the dazed girl. “...I’m sure Mog will have food for you, just hold on a minute.” reaching up Yonah pulled on her glasses only to throw them off just as fast, retching as she clutched at her head, the rush of magic having her see double.  _ Bad idea _ .

The glasses bounced lightly off the wall, landing near her partially opened pack. The Hareraiser sniffed the offending item curiously, looking between a dry-heaving Yonah and the accessory in obvious confusion, unable to make the connection.

Yonah sat up shakily, wiping her mouth off on the back of her hand as she kept her eyes shut. If sunlight had seemed bad before, the idea of it was nearly unbearable now. A soft nudging at her waist had her cracking an eye open anyways, to see her new friend holding her open pouch up towards her with one ear while the other way lifting to shade her face from the morning light. “Hnn...you do understand, don’t you?” Reaching into her bag, Yonah quietly sipped on a potion after using a handkerchief to clean up her face, hand and the small spot on the floor. Another twenty minutes had her the creature sitting happily in her lap, shading her face while she smoothed its fur. Its purrs soothed her at least as much as the dimmed light, if not more.

Yonah didn’t remember dozing off, but waking up snuggled up with the creature on the floor was much better than the last time she woke up. The pounding against her skull felt much more manageable now, enough so that she decided she really should try to do something productive with her day.

The apprenticeship outfit had her looking much more like a resident of Bran Bal then the white dress and blue ribbons she was accustomed to.

The off-white bodysuit matched many of the moogles she interacted with, while the tan vest and cargo shorts gave her plenty of pockets for practicality and functionality. The vest even had an open hood with a pom-pom attachment, letting her hair fall flow freely down her back while still keeping her eyes protected, even without the standard goggles she had left behind at the workshop. Her gloves were also in the workshop, the same tan as her vest, shorts and new knee-high boots. The color scheme was taking a bit of getting used to, but so long as she wore her glasses it went well enough with brown hair.

Even with the later than usual start there were still about fifteen moogles eating in a common area when she arrived. They regarded the ‘bunny’ in her arms with open curiosity before pelting her with questions. They assured her it wasn’t native to the world, and they had never seen it before, but had no qualms with letting it have some breakfast. The creature in question had been wary of the moogles at first, but seemed to calm down once it realized food was being offered, though it stayed pressed against Yonah’s leg.

Meaning to drop her new friend off at her room on the way to Mog’s workshop, Yonah was only a little disappointed when it took off after eating its fill. Maybe it had somewhere to be?

“Kupo-po! Good Morning Yonah!”

“Good Morning Mog.”

The simple metal tools felt right, if a little clumsy still in her hands. Grimoire Weiss had mentioned she occasionally did minor tasks for her village blacksmith when she was feeling well back on her home world, though the memory was foggy. Afternoons surrounded by books and soft music sung alongside stringed wooden instruments, crumbled between fever dreams and a persistent cough. She shook the memories away, her health was stable enough for the moment and she needed to focus on learning to be a good apprentice. Then she could be helpful, just like she had always wanted!

...always wanted? Why? For who-

“Kupo-po, make sure you put on your goggles and gloves before using the next tool. Unless you have enchanted equipment i’m not aware of, kupo?”

Yonah almost dropped the metal she was working on in embarrassment, stammering out an apology as her face turned red. Forgetting basic safety was bad enough, but getting caught day-dreaming when she was still so new stung just as badly “Sorry Mog, no, I don’t have any, um...just basic gear right now.” She pulled on her gloves while glancing at the goggles on the table next to her. They were a lovely bronze color, obviously meant for welding, and had a distinct steam-punk vibe. The moogles of Bhujerba had very similar sets, but they couldn’t be put on over her glasses. She glanced shyly over at Mog, unsure how much of the situation Weiss and Noir had told him “Um…”

“Kupo-po...the glyphs on the left-most side? Those are...attuned to have the same  _ prescription _ as your glasses. Whether on top of your head, around your neck, or on your eyes. Kuro’s idea, to make sure your cover isn’t blown off-world when your in the shop.” Mog had floated over to pat her on the head as Yonah’s eyes teared up slightly, overwhelmed by her gruff guardian’s thoughtfulness.

After drying her eyes, Yonah pulled the goggles to drape loosely around her neck and put her glasses into a case for safe-keeping. The overlap from having two bits of foreign magic at the same time was enough to spin the room lightly, and her stomach was nearly in her throat, but it was only for a moment. Then her glasses were in their case and safely put away in the pouch now tied just above her knee, mostly hidden by the bottom edge of her shorts. It was taking some getting used to but this new life, new outfit and routine, new  _ Yonah _ , was exactly what she wanted to work towards.

“Alright Mog, what’s next?”

  
  
  
  


Being stronger then Ventus didn’t mean anything.

A  _ Flood  _ was stronger then Ventus.

But how much stronger?

Killing the unversed hurt. But pain was part of getting stronger. And once he was strong enough, it wouldn’t hurt. It already hurt less. Proof he was getting stronger.

Vanitas could already kill Floods in a few measured hits now, using the pain of them returning to create more and more,  _ flooding  _ them back to him. He grinned ferally, the laugh that escaped him at the pun somewhere between hysterical and frighten(ed?)ing.

Sure, he often woke up flat on his back in the middle of the desert with the absolute  _ worst  _ case of dry mouth. His suite had taken on more red then black lately, and he couldn't really say if it was an aesthetic complement to his (deteriorating?) mental state or just his own blood. Not that it really mattered, it only made him look more badass. Besides, he threw on that stupid cloak whenever he had a  _ real  _ mission, and the rain would take care of anything the dust didn’t cover up.

Or he could just wait until the old man beat the shit out of him again for fucking up. Ice spells melted eventually, and being blasted by magic was the closest thing to laundry day he had at this point.

Rolling over produced a phlegm heavy-cough, prompting Vanitas to briefly remove his helmet. He spit, squinting as dust and sun invaded his  _ eyes,nose,ears,mouth,face,space _ , before jamming his helmet back on in a rush, uncaring about what he had just trapped in the enclosed space along with him. He’d clean up once he was out of this shitty desert. Fuck he hated it here.

Going back to the site of a Failed Mission didn’t put him in any better of a mood, but it was somewhere easy to hide out for a bit. Besides, he should still have a few unversed in the world, so he could at least conserve energy if he needed to. Damn, he had to be low on magic if he was thinking like that. How long had he been out anyways?

...how long had he been going at it with the unversed?

That had been one hell of an adrenaline high to come down on. Making puns, even if they weren't spoken out loud? Laughing like a maniac? Yeah, a little more self-awareness might not be a bad thing. More self-control. That kinda shit was part of getting strong too anyways, right? Or at least not being an emotional baby like Venty-wenty.

Kneeling down next to an annoyingly crystal clear pond, Vanitas hissed quietly as he took off his helmet to give it a thorough wash. He didn’t really give a damn about the exterior, that would be caked in grime and dust again the moment her reentered that damn desert, but having sand  _ inside  _ pissed him the hell off.

The damn thing seemed to be mocking him as it watched from its drying spot on the grass as he grunted and groaned, trying to pull off his apparently caked-on suit. Damn thing was stuck in several places that chose  _ now  _ to be sore as hell.

Turned out the red wasn’t aesthetic.

Trying to wash out the worst of it as he shivered knee-high in the water was making his already shit mood worse, though he was rather pleased that the water wasn’t nearly so crystalline now. Ha!

For the sake of thoroughness he splashed some of the cleaner water over the worst of his healing injuries, the caked-on blood running off and making it look fresh as his suite dried on a nearby branch and his helmet continued to watch. Turning around to get out of the water, Vanitas had a brief stare down with his clean, dry helmet.

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”   
“...Fuckin’ fine, but only because I  _ just  _ cleaned you. You better  _ fuckin’  _ appreciate it.”

Dunking his head under the water that probably wasn’t really all  _ that  _ cold, Vanitas scrubbed his scalp angrily. Eyes open he watched as sand cascaded down, bits of blood dandruff and the odd hair floating away with the rough treatment. He dunked down three more times before he was satisfied his hair was actually clean and sat with his back against the tree where he had left his boots and gloves, uncaring for their cleanliness and unwilling to get the inside of his boots wet if he could avoid it.

Sitting in the open in nothing but black shorts had him feeling oddly vulnerable, instantly pissing him off. His freshly-washed injuries dried in the light wind, giving him a light shiver as the few that had bled lightly re-clotted and his body ached in the cold.

Really he shouldn’t have been surprised when a certain Hareraiser plopped down on his, forcing a grunt from his mouth.

“The fuck-”

“Voltar! Where’d you go! Volatr~”

Vanitas attempted to jump up, cold-stiffened muscles impeding his movement and the unversed on his legs further impeding his momentum. “Fucking move-” He hissed, having to put more  **command ** into the unversed then he was used to. Was he weakened more than he thought, or was this a side-effect to it having existed for so long?

He managed to get up and behind cover before a...moogle cosplayer? Came into the clearing. Seriously, what the hell were they wearing? Was this an attempt to infiltrate the moogle-populated world? He bit down on his tongue when he saw them pause, catching sight of his helmet.  _ Oh hell no- _

Yonah bent down, picking up the somewhat helmet. Glancing around the clearing showed a just as familiar bodysuit hanging up nearby, presumably drying, as well as a pair of boots and gloves by a tree. Had someone been doing laundry? “H-hello?” Something lightly  _ thumped  _ against her calves, and she dropped the helmet as she spun around, catching sight of the bunny-like creature that kept coming and going from her day to day life. “Voltar!” She knelt down, hugging its furry body, discovery forgotten.

Vanitas’ eye twitched, glance darting back and forth between his dropped helmet, laying tragically on its side, abandoned like some sort of  _ garbage _ , while a traitorous unversed had...what, made  _ friends  _ with some weirdo? And said weirdo had named his creature, as if it were some sort of animal, some sort of pet? He needed to intervene. This was beyond ridiculous,  _ the unversed were his to do with as he pleased _ ,  **how dare someone touch his helmet-**

“Voltar, where are you going?”

But first, he needed pants. The unversed may have been a filthy traitor, but it was still receptive to his commands at the very least. Vanitas dropped down from the tree as soon as he deemed himself out of sight, hissing in anger at the pain that shot up his spine from the landing. Fuck he needed to do something about that, visual displays of weakness were unacceptable. Hobbling slightly, he yanked his suit down, fighting his way into it the best he could. It wasn’t fully dried and it wouldn’t. Go. On.

A rustling and mental _ping _from his Hareraiser alerted him to the fact that the cosplayer was coming back, apparently alerted by the noise he had made. Damn, more alert than he had given them credit for. Or maybe he had been making that much noise? Shit, no time now. Vanitas shuffled over, forcing his feet into his boots even as he tried to pull his suit on, barely getting it up to his waist as his unversed and the cosplayer arrived back. He summoned his keyblade, pointing it directly at them, just as he realized his helmet was right next to the Hareraiser, leaving him bare-faced.

Bare-face, no gloves, and the top-half of his suit hanging off around his waist like a second half-skirt. Even more irritating than his completely vulnerable appearance was the flush of embarrassment he couldn’t keep off of his face, dammit had his unversed  _ brought  _ her here, and oh. He knew her.

They spoke at nearly the same time, words neither of them really intended to say.

“Where are your glasses?”

“Oh, your eyes are so pretty!”

The flush on Vanitas’ face exploded all the way to his ears, his mouth falling open as he was torn between questioning his sanity  _ why the fuck did I ask about her fucking glasses _ , and completely blindsided by her own comment. “...what.”

Yonah’s face wasn’t any better at least. Her hands had flown up to her face as if to look for the mentioned glasses before stuttering out something about goggles, cementing Vanitas’ theory that yeah this one was insane. In the middle of her stuttering and stammering, she seemed to notice the helmet on the ground in front of her and quickly picked it up, holding it out to offer it to him “Um, I'm sorry! I didn’t mean to-” 

Vanitas grabbed the helmet out of her hands,dismissing his keyblade in his eagerness to have the helmet back, turning around as he jammed it back on his head. Yonah gasped as he turned around “Your hurt!” A small hand was on his back, and he jumped away without thinking, lowering into a defensive crouch that probably wasn’t as intimidating as he wanted it to be with his clothes still hanging half off of him and his injuries on full display.

The shy smile on his face put knots in his stomach. He wanted to run, but that was ridiculous. Surely even weakened he could easily kill this frail girl. As the thought crossed his mind his unversed planted itself more firmly in front of Yonah, sitting on her foot and making eye contact with Vanitas through his helmet, giving a clear impression of  **no** .  _ The hell _ ?

For her part, Yonah was going through her pockets and ended up gently pushing the unversed away as she knelt on the grass, ignoring the  ** _danger danger danger _ ** in front of her that made Vanitas want to grab her, shake her, scream at her. Didn’t she realize what he was? What was in front of her, how close to dying she was? Did she have no self-preservation?

In inches he straightened up, keeping a good distance away from her. Maybe she was a test devised by master Xehanort. Maybe she was much more dangerous than she looked, the meeting at the library and then now could have been orchestrated to get his guard down, he could be in for a hell of a fight. Taming his unversed would make her an extremely crafty opponent-

Yonah standing up had him immediately on the offensive. Then his head tilted to the side in confusion as he took in the supplies in her hands; a pair of potions, bandages, first aid supplies?

“I can’t use magic, but I have some medical supplies. I used to help with some basic treatments on my home world, is it okay if I help you?”

_ She knows about other worlds. This isn't her world. Suspicious.  _ “I don’t need your help.” he tried to make it sound angry, venomous, but it mostly came out sounding tired. That irritating smile again.

“I know. But is it okay if I do?”

**No. Don’t touch, don’t come near, donttouchme-** “...whatever.” He turned around, doing his best not to scream every time  _ skin not his  _ made contact. The Hareraiser had picked up on his discomfort and sat in his lap immediately. He didn’t even realize he was clutching it like some sort of goddamn teddy bear until he felt its purrs rattling against his chest faintly, his chin resting on top of its head. Fuck, but this was soothing. To her credit, the girl seemed to have picked up on his not liking to be touched. She was efficient in what she was doing too, and his back already felt better. He almost didn’t notice when potion was dabbed on his arm until his hissed in relief, the throbbing ache had been there long enough for him to get used to it, but that didn’t mean it had stopped hurting.

“...Did you want help getting your suit the rest of the way back on?”

“No!” He shot up, putting his Personal Space back into effect and was so damn glad his armor was finally dry enough to cooperate with him. He eyed the gloves behind Yonah intensely enough that she turned her head around to look and spotted them. Taking the two steps need to bend over and grab them, she called “Voltar?” over and had the unversed bring them back to Vanitas.

Another smile. “I hope you don’t mind I gave him a name, I didn’t know he was with someone. I should have figured it out though, he’s really good with directions.”

“...what.”

Flustered, she waved her hands back and forth, mistaking his deadpan for an actual question. “He’s been staying with me off and on since Shiro and Kuro left, oh, um, maybe I shouldn’t be talking about that.” Tapping her fingers together, all her emotions out in the open, damn it annoyed him. She rocked back and forth on her feet a bit, all anxious energy. “Anyways, he’s been helping me out a bit with his magic. I can’t cast, so when he shot a laser the first time it was really helpful, and got me thinking about a name for him-” The helmet was probably the only thing saving him right now, eye twitch aside his mouth was gaping open lightly as he struggled to keep up with the influx of energy.

“-so, I figured ‘Vol’ for the magic because light and energy, and ‘tar’ like hare, cause he’s like a rabbit. He comes and goes as he pleases, but he always comes back, and ‘Voltar’ means come back, so...yeah.” She finally had the good grace to look embarrassed, rubbing the back of her head. “Sorry, that was a bit much. So, um, is he going to go back with you now? I mean, he belongs with you, right?”

Vanitas shrugged, his annoyance with the bubbly girl reaching a breaking point. And then it hit him, a way to get her to  **leave him alone** .

“I might as well, it’s served its purpose anyways.”

“Huh?”

Voltar cocked its head to the side before evaporating into a fine black mist, returning to Vanitas. Yonah’s eyes went wide, shock evident on her face. Vanitas smirked, a cruel satisfaction beginning to unfurl in his heart.

“W-what-”

“That wasn’t some fluffy fucking bunny. It was just one of my monsters, something I created to do my bidding.”

Her eyes were shining, the first few tears falling as his words sank in.  _ Yes, feel despair, take in the knowledge that your so called ‘friend’ was nothing more then an illusion- _

And then she...smiled?

“That’s so amazing! Your magic is so incredible, thank you so much!” Tears were still falling, but she was smiling. What the hell was this? “I’m so glad you made him, I was...I was really lonely when Shiro and Kuro left. But Voltar was there, and he helped me remember why I’m here.” reaching into another pocket, Yonah pulled out a simple ring of dark metal.

“...I want to be like that. Helpful. So, I'm going to be a synthesizer. I’m in the Moogle’s guild now-”  _ Oh, not a cosplayer _ “-and I’m not very good yet, but i’d like to give you this, as a thank you. For Voltar.”  _ The Fuck? _

Yonah set the ring down on a rock, and a traitorous part of Vanitas was grateful that she seemed to have figured out his Personal Space, even as he was irritated she didn’t just hand it to him. Damn, even he didn’t know what he wanted.

“...I should be here in Bran Bal for a few more weeks at least, after that Mog can tell you if I get restationed. If you’d like, I could make more things for you. Oh, and please stop by if you get hurt again, the moogles are a lot better then I am at healing-”

“Why.”

“Huh?”

Vanitas clenched his fists, anger lacing his voice clearly “Why. Are you. “ He gestured vaguely with his hands, unable to find the words to his question. Yonah, annoyingly, seemed to understand what he was trying to ask.

“Oh...because. Um, a few reasons? I mean there’s Voltar-”

** “I didn’t make him to help you.” ** It wasn’t quite a scream, but close enough.

“I know.”

It was hard to say which of them was more startled this time, and not because Vanitas’ face was still blissfully covered by his helmet.

“But he did help me. And you made him, so that's still a reason. And you remind me of people I used to know-”

“I’m not them.”

“I know. You also seem like you need help-”

“I don’t need you help! I don’t need anyone’s help!”

“...I also just want to.” The last one was mumbled quietly enough that he almost didn’t hear it.

“Why?” An actual question this time. And while she blushed a bit, she didn’t give a verbal answer. Whatever. Weirdo.

In the distance a bell tower chimed the hour. Yonah turned her head to look in the direction of the moogle village “...I need to get back to work now. Will I see you again?”

Vanitas shrugged, supremely uncomfortable. Anything was possible, they had already run into each other twice on two different worlds.

“Okay then. I hope we get to meet again-um...would you tell me your name?”

Yonah had already walked towards the path leading back. In the interest of getting this encounter over with, Vanitas walked over to where she had left the ring sitting, picking it up and holding it in the sun to look at it. It was rather plain, but decent craftsmanship, even more so considering how new to the craft Yonah had confessed to being. He tried it on, oddly pleased with how it fit over his glove and the slight surge in power he felt coming from it.

If she could help him get stronger...putting up with her could be worth the annoyance.

“...Vanitas.”

And left through a portal of darkness, pretending not to see the smile on Yonah’s face when she got an answer.

Accessory obtained: Beginner’s Ring +1 Strength +1 Endurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret losing Voltar so soon. Thinking up his name took way too long. I keep on starting these chapters thinking they're going in a totally different direction, but stories do what they want I guess. I might have to do some more one-shots to get things out of my system, the things I want to write don't fit in at all yet for this timeline, yet as much as I want to gift angry Vanitas a supportive Yonah to come home too, that's not what this character is. Oh well.


	4. Drink Drink Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss and Noir get temporary bodies courtesy of Popela, strings very much attached, before needing to leave Yonah again. Yonah continues to worry over her inability to use magic affecting her future in the Guild, and winds up getting Drunk with Vanitas, who she gives a nickname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage drinking, depression and a hint of fluff (maybe?). It's starting to feel like the story is taking shape, at least on paper.

Training was going marginally better with the new accessory. Much as he hated to admit it, blindly attacking, drilling and grinding his way through hordes of his own unversed wasn’t doing much more than tiring him out. His muscle definition was better, and he  _ felt _ a bit stronger, sure, but he needed real power not just the same boost someone could get from working out on a regular basis.

Throwing Scrappers and Bruisers into the mix just seemed to get his ass beat more thoroughly. At least with the Floods and Hareraisers he could more or less erase them with a few well-timed swings of his keyblade. Master Xehanort found time to monologue at him in between thoroughly beating him, alternating between telling him and showing him how weak he was, and sending him on seemingly pointless missions. Seriously, what was the point? Spreading a few Unversed here and there had the nasty side-effect of distracting him when they returned to him unexpectedly, and they didn’t seem to accomplish much on their own.

On rare occasion one would seem to take on more...sapience than others. Vanitas was still trying to figure out if it had something to do with their moment of creation, of if it was just a fluke. At first he had assumed Voltar had been a one-off, but there had been a few other occasions that had him questioning his creations. The odd flood that decided to take it upon itself to become his living blanket while he slept. An Axe Flapper that seemed to make it its life personal mission to bring him food, despite him not needing to eat, before he reabsorbed it. An Archraven that had lived a  **very ** brief life after trying to make a game out of picking up and repeatedly dropping his precious helmet.

He’d enjoyed ending that one a little too much.

Vanitas had ‘borrowed’ a Bangle at on point to check his own stats, and was less then pleased with his progress. A glance around had revealed some of the retired and older ‘townies’ had better stats than him, which while not entirely unexpected, was still disappointing. He needed to get better, faster.

Instead, he got drunk. One of the best ways to use his unversed was probably having them collect things for him. If they got caught, he didn’t really have to deal with the consequences. If they didn’t, he reaped the rewards. Win-win.

  
  
  


_ People screaming _

_ Hordes of shadow-creatures entering the village, smoke, fire _

_ Someone’s voice calling her name- _

_ The library. _

_ Popela. Devola. _

_ Floating. Floating. _

_ Being trapped in a body that wasn’t hers _

_ Someone else in her body? _

_ Not fair... _

_ Creatures of smokey mist, yellow eyes and black hair. _

_ Most important… _

_ In the world… _

Snippets of various nightmares that felt more like memories evaporated as soon as she woke up most mornings. Yonah was fairly certain that the dreams were the same one’s she could never remember, whether she had sweated through her bedding or with her face pressed into her pillow to drown out the screaming.

She still wasn’t sure if the screaming she was trying to muffle was coming from her own throat, or if she was trying to keep it out of her ears.

She had been able to keep things together, barely, when Vanitas displayed his power, feigning awe over his power, even as something inside her screamed in terror at the too-familiar ability to create monsters of black mist. Yellow eyes and black hair, just like in her dreams. Ugh, why had she called him pretty? She buried her face into her pillow again, still disoriented from sleep.

Even with the fear, there was something comforting about the angry boy. He really did remind her of...someone. More than one person? Her memories of Gestalt were too vague. His temper and disposition were so like...someone she would never forget. But his appearance, he was obviously a fighter. Someone who didn’t like others being close, didn’t like to talk. He was angry. That was someone Else. Someone she would never forget either, but someone she couldn't  _ remember _ . It made her head hurt.

So, she tried to focus more on her apprenticeship. It had briefly hit a snag, one she hadn’t anticipated.

“Kupo! I would have been happy to let you borrow the Atlas Armlet until you could make your own...but…”

“It didn’t even make a difference, huh?”

It had turned out that Yonah’s magic allergy went a bit deeper then just foreign magic. Even with a boost of plus two to magic, her MP was still zero. Which was...going to cause some problems with the enchanting process, not to mention any synthesis of tools or objects of more advanced types.

To say it was depressing was a bit of an understatement. Still, Yonah tried her best to channel her efforts into alchemy instead, which thankfully had no need of magical ability for quite a while. Mog was looking into alternatives for her, but wanted to wait on discussing solutions until her guardians returned. Since she was still a ‘child’.

Her not-quite-temporary room in Bran Bal now had a few shelves, as well as a desk with basic supplies. The shelves were lined with basics, potions a few hi-potions, three ethers and a few each of status-ailment specific tonics. Her desk had an alchemy station next to it now with basic glassware, the more advanced tools were still well outside of her expenditure until she ranked up within the guild or started to sell her apothecaries in earnest. Several moogles had offered to transport to other worlds, apparently the guilds had an inner workings between themselves and the merchants guild only charged a three percent rate for fellow moogles.

Which she was legally one of now. H-11, as the armband sewn onto her left arm designated. Normally, a member of a guild didn’t really need one of the bands, but several of the guilds so rarely had non-moogles that it had become practical for the few others to designate themselves somehow, to avoid confusion. At least, that’s what Mog had told her, right after legally adopting her as his cousin. A copy of that certificate hung in her room as well. While not all apprentices were adopted, Mog had made it a habit, and saw no reason to break it just because Yonah wasn’t born a moogle.

Having a routine schedule had calmed things in her mind somewhat. Craft, study, eat, craft, study, explore, study, eat, study, sleep, wake up screaming, sleep a little more repeat.

So when two Boys in black trench coats came into her workshop one afternoon holding  _ very  _ familiar tomes under their arms, it was only a small bit of an understatement to say her world felt like it had been turned on its head. “Shiro! Kuro! What happened to them-”

“I assure you Miss Yonah, we are quite alright,” They boy on the left, who appeared to be around nineteen or twenty replied, lowering his hood to reveal the snow-white hair and grey eyes typical of their former world. Yonah gaped at him as the other figure, the one holding Grimoire Noir tucked under his arm, lowered his own hood. Kuro chuckled quietly as he revealed his own darker darker grey hair and charcoal grey eyes “Really now, is seeing us in a human guise so startling?”

He seemed to be around the same age, if not a little older than his lighter counterpart. Yonah’s jaw worked up and down as she tried to say something, words failing. Kuro nudged Shiro, stage whispering behind his hand, “I think we broke her.”

A moment later she managed to launch herself at them, clutching them to her in a fierce hug “You idiots! I thought...I thought…”

“Oh dear…” Shiro patted the top of Yonah’s head awkwardly as his other arm wrapped around her shaking form. “There there. No tears no, hm? I assure you, we are quite all right-”

“Better than ever really,” Kuro whipped a few of her stray tears away as Yonah tried not to completely lose her composure. “Sorry for the scare kiddo.” Yonah shook her head, clinging for a few more minutes before shakily smiling and letting them go. “So...how did you…?”

Weiss and Noir shared a suddenly serious look, all good cheer suddenly leaving the room. Mog floated down from his station, “I’ll give you three some time, kupo-po.” and left the room.

Weiss hesitated, seeming unsure what to do with his arms now that he had...arms. “Well...we didn’t find any of our companions. We did find...someone else. Someone who is...very interested in finding you, Miss Yonah.” A chill went down Yonah’s spin, even as she tried her best to put a smile on her face. “Oh?”

Noir crossed his arms, a scowl on his face. “Yeah. Popela says ‘hi’. Or she would, if she didn’t think we were still looking for you too. Told her we got separated when Gestalt fell. Haven’t seen ya since, and if she knows what's good for her, she’ll tell us first if she hears anything.” He smiled crookedly as his hand went to his cheek. “Bitch sure can slap hard.”

“Grimoire Noir! Language!”

“It’s fine Shiro…” Yonah tried not to let her worry show even as all the color left her face. Popela...was looking for her.

“Anyways, old man Hamelin was busy in his workshop so Weiss-y over here-” ‘Weiss-y’ Sputtered in what could only be utter indignation, “Sweet-talked her into using Sleeping Beauty to get us some Replicant bodies to use. Something about how it’d be easier for us to blend in and search for you if we weren’t, you know, floating dictionaries-”

“Now, SEE HERE-”

“And next thing I know she’s sending us on our merry way, telling us not to bother coming back unless we have information or someone worth her time, since old man Hamelin isn’t as kind a host as she is.”

Yonah stared in confusion. “Old man...Hamelin?” The name alone made her hot and queasy at once, filling her with a mixture of dread and anger, her ears ringing slightly. “Wait, Sleeping Beauty?...Replicant bodies?” Her head hurt.

“Urm…” The former Grimoires exchanged glances again. Was she imagining the cagey looks? Were they hiding something from her?

“It’s...a system designed to replace bodies for those who have lost them. Old man Hamelin is the one in charge of it.”

A  **POOF ** of smoke seemed to explode into existence around the two, and when it cleared both were gone. Yonah screamed. “Shiro! Kuro!!” The Grimoires floated into the air, groaning lightly. New runes adorned the back covers, glowing slightly before fading.

“Unfortunately, it is an imperfect magic system, and the bodies can only last so long before we must return to our current forms.” Grimoire Weiss hovered over Yonah’s form in concern as she slowly collapsed to the floor, one hand over her heart. “You...have to stop...scaring me like that…”

Noir chuckled, floating to his spot on Yonah’s other side. “Our new system is based on magic. As it replenishes we can switch between our forms freely, though when time is up we must revert to our current forms. A...failsafe. Popela’s idea, to ensure we would not simply run off. Master Hamelin is the only one capable of producing permanent bodies, though she did believe he would be amenable to a deal should we wish to work for him. Which we certainly do not.” He added, Weiss giving a strong impression of glaring at him.

“Oh...well, alright then. So, Popela thinks I'm...missing?” Yonah tilted her head to the side, trying to absorb all the new information as her headache began to return full-force.

“More or less. I’m not entirely certain she believes that we don’t know where you are...so our best bet is to have limited contact at this point, and to continue our search on our own. The guild is a good cover, coupled with your disguise. Since there are moogles on almost every world we can send you updates easily and- oh, Yonah...don’t cry…”

Yonah hastily wiped tears away only for them to be replaced just as quickly. “It’s fine! It’s...fine...its just...I’m going to miss you two…”  _ I’m lonely… _

  
  
  


It was a few more days until Kuro and Shiro left again, both with minor accessories hand-made by Yonah and as many potions and remedies as she could spare. Just in case. They promised to send what they could to help with materials for crafting and new tools, but she was just glad to be able to help them for a change. Having them back for a few nights meant she had managed to sleep well too, so it had started off as a pretty good day, even if she was still struggling with her MP zero problem.

Mog had decided to call it an early day, giving her some more reading materials to go through and heading out to speak with some of his off-world guild mates to see about possible solutions to her problem. While most moogles could use magic, some were born without it, and it wasn’t necessarily an insurmountable problem...she just might have to be limited in what work she could do on her own.

Heading back to her room, the last thing she had expected to see was Voltar. She dropped her materials halfway into the door in her haste to embrace the creature. It felt like her face was cracking at the force of her smile. “Voltar!” It’s ears circles around her for a moment before it began to wiggle around, eager to be let go. It hopped around her a bit, nosing her towards the door before bounding in front of her and looking back towards her.

“You...want me to follow you?”

  
  


The stupid water in the stupid clearing was as clear as though he had never done his stupid laundry in it. It was stupid. Like this cheap-ass vodka.

Vanitas was a bit drunk.

Not that it really took much to get drunk, he’d managed to put some muscle on the scrawny frame that he had inherited from Ventus but they were still young. Not needing to eat meant he hadn’t bothered before drinking, so it was even easier to get to the level he wanted. He might have let a few unversed out while he was here, but the last few times he’d been to this world there hadn’t been much here to bother him. He wasn’t really worried about it. He wasn’t really worried about anything actually, that was kind of the point of getting drunk.

The first time had been an accident. He’d been dumb enough not to pay attention to what he was washing the taste of the desert out of his mouth with. But getting drunk had the quaint side-effect of damping his emotions. Not feeling the annoying itch where Ventus was supposed to be, for any period of time, was a welcome relief. After that little discovery, he’d taken up a little drinking habit from time to time whenever Master Xehanort was in a particularly foul mood, or busy with something else for a few days.

Or when he just didn’t give a damn anymore and just needed a break from that stupid feeling of being incomplete.

It didn’t matter,  _dammit_. He  _ wasn’t crying _ , that was just sweat. ‘Cause his face was too hot. From drinking. Yeah. Carefully, Vanitas tucked his helmet away into his shadow, scrubbing at his face before taking another swig and making a face at the taste. He really needed to get something better next time, this shit was awful.

Plopping back down onto his back, narrowly missing a Flood unversed that he  _ absolutely did not create because he was lonely _ , he gazed unseeing at the sky. The world seemed to spin slightly, a good indicator that it might be time to stop drinking.

He didn’t.

When Yonah followed Voltar into the now somewhat familiar clearing she really hadn’t been expecting to find it occupied by an obviously drunk Vanitas, semi-surrounded by empty bottles and curled around something that looked a bit like Voltar but...plainer? It was more cat-like, shorter ears and a simpler body. Almost plush-like really. Vanitas’ eyes were faintly red-rimmed and he hiccuped softly as he rolled over slightly, annoyance clear on his face when he set his gaze on that blue-eyes bitch. “...the fuck are you doing here?”

Voltar, ugh, no. Why the hell...he must have made another Hareraiser after he started drinking. For some reason, part of him insisted it was the same ‘one’ she had named. Which was ridiculous.

Yonah stopped by one of the bottles, thankfully outside of his Personal Space. She knelt down, turning the bottle over to look at the label and frowning. “What, you gonna lecture me for drinking-”

“No.” Voltar settled down by her side, and after a moments hesitation, she sat down, stroking it between its ears. Damn traitor purred. He wasted a moment trying to all it back to him, but sitting up caused the world to spin too much and he gave it up. He’d call it back to himself after he sobered up a bit.

But he  _ really _ didn’t feel like doing that just yet.

So he reached out blindly until his hand knocked around a bottle that wasn’t empty, trying his best not to make a face as he gulped down some more of the liquid, trying to ignore the fact that he was still holding onto the Flood like a child with a blanket. Besides, the girl in front of him wasn’t any better with...Voltar. The haze of alcohol must have been getting to him, he couldn’t think of another reason why he held out the bottle towards her.

“Want some?” Much to his surprise, she shrugged and scooted closer. It put her close enough that her knees were almost touching his and his instincts screamed at him to put distance between them but really, what else was she supposed to do to grab the bottle he was offering her? He did his best to ignore the reaction, made ten times easier by his own drunken state.

Yonah made a bit of a face after sniffing it, then surprised him by taking an actual swig instead of the expected sip. “Well, aren't you full of surprises.”

Her cheeks turned a bit pink, whether from alcohol or from his comment was impossible to say. “If you say so. We hardly know each other, so…” She took another swig before passing it back.

They passed the better part of an hour that way, Vanitas slowly relaxing and Yonah quickly getting drunk. Once the bottle was nearly empty, she seemed to have finally found her voice. “So, Vanitas...Why are you in Bran Bal, drinking alone in the forest?”

“‘M not alone.” He gestured at her and the unversed they were both...cuddling. Ugh, apparently he was a mushy drunk. Gross. “...felt like it.”

Yonah giggled, stumbling slightly as she got up to her feet. “Well, if that was all of it…?” her eyebrow raised in question and he nodded dumbly, staring at her hand in confusion until it clicked that she was trying to help him stand. “I have some better stuff at my place. Want to come back with me?”

He stood on his own, ignoring the offered hand. He was drunk, not helpless. “Well fuck princess, who am I to turn down free booze?” Yonah frowned slightly at the ‘princess’ comment before headed back to Bran Bal proper.

Her door was still slightly ajar from her earlier rush to follow Voltar and she hastily picked up her dropped materials, a blush darkening her alcohol-pinked features in further embarrassment when Vanitas looked over her shoulder in curiosity. “Um…”

He picked up a paper off of the floor, reading it while his head tilted in confusion. “Huh...what, your so useless at magic that you really can’t use it at all?”

He turned to shoot a smirk over his shoulder only to frown when he saw the true look of dismay on her face as she put her things on top of an already crowded desk. “...basically, yeah.”

Vanitas scoffed, tossing the paper in what appeared to be a careless manner, though it managed to land on the desk. An impressive display of dexterity really. “So just do it another way then. Idiot.”

Yonah opened the bottom drawer of her desk, pulling out a dark blue bottle with a golden label and opening it with one of the tools scattered on her desk. Before sitting down on the bed crammed between the desk and wall.

“I can’t. I’m allergic to magic, I can’t use someone else’s tools, and accessories made to add magic to my system just fizzle out. Or make me sick.” She drank. Vanitas turned her desk chair around so that her could cross his arms over its backing, facing Yonah and taking the offered bottle.

“Huh, this shit is good. What is it?”

“Bhujerban Madhu. Guild specialty, its better then most of the stuff I've tried.”

“So...you drink?”

“...yeah. I drink.”

Three bottles later Vanitas’ unversed had returned to him on their own. He wasn’t sure if that was because of his own ‘feelings’, his level of intoxication, or if his inability to focus had caused them to disperse. Something to think about when he could...think about.

“...nitas!”

  
“Ugh, no.”

“Huh?”

“I hate that.”

“You hate your name.”

He pouted. Definitely got too drunk. “Also yes, but I thought you call me ‘Nitas.’” She had the gall to laugh. “The fuck is so funny you blue-eyed bitch!”

Her laugh died in her throat, eyes going wide in shock. “I...what-”

“Tch, what, thought I'd call you princess or some shit just ‘cause you turn those sad blue eyes on me? Yeah right-” Yonah held her hand up in a classic ‘stop’ motion, before pulling her goggles off of her hood. Vanitas eyes went wide as her brown hair turned gilded silver, and her blue eyes blinked into grey.

“I don’t like ‘princess’ actually. Anything else you don’t want to be called?”

Later, he’d blame it on the shock, or the alcohol. He didn’t mean for it to slip out. “Vani. It’s too close to his name.” Yonah nodded, pulling her goggles back on top of her hood, her hair brown and eyes blue once again. “It’s a secret. Call me Kidd if you see me anywhere that isn’t here, or if you don’t want to use my name. Why do you hate your name anyways?”

Vanitas finished off the bottle. Damn this was stupid. “...it’s dumb. I didn’t pick it out, and it doesn’t matter. Forget I said anything.”

“Mmm. knee-knee.”

“What?”

“I’ll call you Nini.” She giggled. How much had they had to drink anyways? He hit his head against the chair and groaned quietly. So dumb. “Fine. Whatever.” He stood up, knocking over the chair and almost falling over. Drunk. So drunk. He sat-slid down with his back against the bed, Yonah’s legs next to him. She plopped down next to him, nearly touching. It should bother him. She sipped off of her bottle, when had they opened another one? She passed it to him, and he held it loosely, debating on calling it enough. Her head was leaning on his shoulder slightly, hood brushing against his chin guard.

“...how is that Mudhu so damn strong anyways?”

“Mm...distillation. They take the components-” Vanitas faded in and out of her explanation, his drunken stupor fading into a pleasantly numb buzz. Her stupid annoying voice was a good distraction too.

“-which is why there’s no mana left in it. So, with the magicite-” Vanitas poked her, an idea forming in his mind.

“Why don’t you just do that?”

“Huh?”

“The...distillation thing. But like, blaze shards into a single-use flame spell. Wouldn’t that work?”

Yonah’s eyes were so wide he briefly wondered if they would fall out. “Yes.” She breathed, standing up so quickly Vanitas fell over. She rounded to face him, a determined fire behind her eyes overwhelming the trick that made them blue, her grey shining through so clearly that it was burned into Vanitas’ memory.

“...Anything you want. If this works, I’ll make you anything you want. As long as I’m alive, my skills are yours. Thank you.” She grabbed the chair up off of the floor and set it to rights, beginning to write at a furious pace and make sketches on several separate pieces of paper.

“...Bed’s all yours. Or the hammock if you prefer, Weiss and Noir usually trade off.” Vanitas blinked at the mental image of books in a hammock before climbing into the bed, barely remembering to take off his boots. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bothered to sleep properly. Fuck he was going to be hungover tomorrow.


	5. Bujerba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes in Bujerba. Vanitas shows up, gets drunk, gets his ears pierced and tries to kill Yonah. Not necessarily in that order. Yonah tries to get used to life in a city where she isn't taken seriously, works too much, still can't remember Kainé and is allergic to the air. At least they have Madhu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More drinking. because these kids have no idea how to cope with their lives, or how to interact with each other. Also featuring: Vanitas' Personal Space being violated, and his helmet watching. Judging.

Hungover wasn’t a strong enough word. Rolling over and going back to sleep had only worked the first two times, pulling his helmet back from the shadows onto his head had taken an embarrassingly long time to think about. Luckily there was no one around to notice or comment. Honestly, the blue light of Bran Bal wasn't even all that bad, not compared to the bright yellow suns of other worlds he’d woken up to in a similar state, but that Bujerban Madhu…

The desk he’d bumped into had water and pills, presumably left by Yonah for his hangover. He might have scoffed had she actually been around, but his head was pounding enough that with no one else to put up a front for he didn’t care. He snagged one of the potions and a remedy off of a shelf for good measure, they couldn’t hurt, right? And it was Yonah’s fault for leaving him here unsupervised, he could get into whatever shenanigans he wanted to.

Oh. There were notes for him under the glass of water. Telling Vanitas to help himself to whatever he wanted, and that she would be back after meeting with Mog. A moogle named Mog, how original.

There was even food. Fuck, it kinda smelled good even, what the hell.

Turned out hangovers were a lot easier to manage if you slept, hydrated and ate. Who knew?

  
  


Yonah had worked through the night, occasionally taking another sip from the last bottle of Madhu to keep the physical buzz of alcohol going to match her physiological buzz as she worked on the logistics of Vanitas’ idea of distillation. It was so  _ simple _ , so  _ perfect _ . She couldn’t help but glance over at the sleeping boy fondly several times throughout the night, thinking how young he looked without his helmet and tough expression. How old was he anyways?

Even with how simple the idea was in theory, Yonah was new enough to the practice that she spent more time going back and forth through her books to check appendices and terms then making actual progress. She settled on a gun format, deciding that a trip to Bujerba was well overdue. Maybe her formal apprenticeship could be arranged there, the floating city sounded charming and she was eager for more interaction with people.

She set out to the communal eating area for the first available meal, surprised at how many moogles were present. She was never awake this early, and noticed with a giggle that many moogles must have breakfast at least twice. The cheeky things. They greeted her happily, teasing her a bit for staying up all night drinking, and a bit more when they found out she had a  _ boy  _ in her room. She hoped Weiss and Noir didn’t hear about that anytime soon. She nabbed an extra plate of food for Vanitas before heading to the workshop, scribbling a note next to the water and pills she had left behind earlier. Vanitas was curled up in a ball, and part of her wanted to climb in to cuddle with him.

She doubted he would appreciate the thought.

Mog was delighted with the notes and work she had done the night before, applauding her work ethic. He mentioned something about how, as her technical guardian, he  _ probably should  _ scold her for getting drunk and having...company...overnight, which she quickly explained was  **not like that** , but realistically as Yonah wasn’t a child he wasn’t going to treat her as such.

What a refreshing sentiment,

She had been more or less expecting Vanitas to be gone when she got home. It was a surprise that he made the bed first, he’d even put the empty bottles in a collection next to the door since her small trash was mostly full. His empty plate was sitting on the edge of her desk with the water glass and two empty potion bottles stacked on top, her note nowhere to be seen. Snarky but polite, what an odd disposition. He really was just like Kai...Kai…

Yonah really wished she could remember her name.

The next week was finishing all her started projects and packing, hoping Vanitas might stop by. He never did. Her small residence looked almost like it was waiting for someone to move into it again when she closed the door, though she didn’t bother to lock it. There was a note on the desk, the only thing on it, letting Vanitas know he could use the residence as he wished and that she would be in Bujerba, its coordinates and dates of her apprenticeship listed. Not that she thought it would be that long between visits, but...they were still essentially strangers. Maybe one step up, acquaintances at least. Drinking buddies?

The floating city of Bujerba was beautiful. It was full of culture, so many different types of people. The Vierra reminded her of the way the people of her homeworld dressed, Bangaas and Seeqs at the guild always had stories for her. The Garif masks reminded her of stories of  Façade, and the warriors were happy to hear tales of another ‘people of the mask’ who were warriors. The Moogles native to the areas were quite different to those from Bran Bal, Mog got a lot of weird looks. Yonah did too.

“Yes, I’m with the guild.”

“Listen here girly, cute as your costume is-”

A lot of stares. She eventually sewed a band onto the left bicep of her white jumpsuit to display her H-11 guild insignia. It didn’t do much more than give a moment's pause to most, but she learned to just go while they were trying to figure out what a ‘Hume’ was doing with the moogles. It made her look even more like a school student, unfortunately.

“Hey kid, I don’t think you're supposed to be back there.” Yonah set down the box she was carrying with a sigh. Why had she agreed to watch the counter today? The accessory shop wasn’t really something she was even that interested in. One hand on the loop of fabric encircling her upper arm she turned around, trying to reign in her exasperation.

“I assure you sir, I’m with the guild- Nini!” Vanitas was leaning on the counter, smirk evident in his posture even with his helmet on. When two of your companions are Books, you learn to read expressions without facial clues.

“Got any Madhu?”

  
  


Vanitas had pouted a bit when she had refused the sale,  _ she couldn’t sell to minors _ , but relented when she promised to share her stash when her shift was over.

Yonah was currently staying in a room in the Cloudborne, separated from the main tavern by an extra set of hallways. “Reserved for Guild Members on extended stays.” She had explained at Vanitas’ tilted chin. The room itself looked more or less like a hotel room. Bed, desk, table with two chairs under the window, and a dresser. It hardly looked lived in, other than the papers on the desk. Had she really been here for almost three months?

“Looks like your fitting in here.” Yonah snorted, much to Vanitas’ amusement.

“Yeah, getting asked every five minutes if I know I'm trespassing by some well-meaning hume. Or if I can go find an apprentice to help. I  _ am  _ the apprentice.” Vanitas started laughing.

“It’s not funny!”

“Wait wait wait. You mean, they seriously don’t believe you?” Yonah nodded. Vanitas laughed harder. Yonah groaned, pouting as she opened a bottle of Mudhu.

“You suck.”

“What’s with the bracelet?”

“Hm?” Yonah held up her wrist, blue-black nethicite seeming to distort the light around it. “Oh, that. Bujerba’s air is high in magic. When I first came here I got pretty sick.”

“What, like you got the sniffles?” Vanitas taunted, leering slightly. Yonah’s laugh was awkward, and he wanted to take it back, wanted to have not said something.

“Just a nosebleed and headache at first, but they told me I had a seizure.” She rubbed the back of her head. How hard had she hit it?

“So, I made a nethicite accessory. MP zero accessories aren't usually sought after, but it’s kind of a moot point for me, and it cancels out any magic that tries to interface with me. There were a few others I could have tried, but most of them cause Silence, and working without being able to talk is difficult when no one else seems to know sign language.”

Vanitas blinked in confusion, only understanding about half of what Yonah said, and decided to latch onto the last part. “Sign language?”

“Yeah. Remember when we met at the library?” Yonah set the bottle down, freeing her hands to repeat the sequence of pointing at him, tapping her flattened hand to the side of her head and then using the pointer fingers of both hands to make a circular motion. “That means ‘Do you know sign?’”

“Wait wait, hold up.” Vanitas set his bottle of Mudhu down. “You mean to tell me that  _ waving your hand around _ is an  **actual language!?** ”

“Well...yeah. How do you think people who can’t talk communicate?”

“...”

“...”   
“...”

“...”

“..I need another drink.”

  
  


“So, what brings you to Bujerba?”

“Free booze.”

“Free huh? Then why did you try to buy it first?”

“...” Vanitas crossed his arms. He might have been pouting? Yonah wasn’t sure.

“...”

“...”

“...Okay, question redacted. I was hoping you would come soon, I was starting to worry since it’s been a few months…” Vanitas tensed. Had something happened? “Anyways, I made something for you.” Yonah stood up, only a slight wobble in her step. The top desk drawer was half books, and a quarter papers. The papers were weighed down with a small black box, and inanely Vanitas felt his pulse speed up for a moment. This was fucking stupid.

“Ta-da!”

Vanitas’s helmet was already off, the easier to drink Yonah’s booze, so his deadpan stare was utterly unfiltered when he told her “My ears aren't pierced.”

“Oh.” Yonah blinked, and it seemed like her brain shut off for a moment. Vanitas sighed, taking a long swig from the bottle on the table. “...Just stick ‘em in.”

“What.”

The chair tilted back on two legs as Vanitas stared at the ceiling. Cerberus Earrings. He couldn’t turn those down. How had she even managed to make those? Retail was at least 87k, material hunting alone should have taken half a year, easily. He pointed at the side of his head, refusing to let his hand shake at the idea of letting someone willingly touch him.

“...its an  _ ear _ ring, right? So put it.in.my.ear.”

Yonah blinked, nonplussed. “I…” She shook her head, and was coming closer, in his Personal Space. Fuck no. Its fine. Its  **fine** . He  _ told  _ her to, don’t freak out  _ don’t freak out _ . “Nini.” She wasn’t touching him. Why the fuck was she dragging this out?

“ **What** .” He snapped, telling himself his voice wasn’t shaking, his hands weren’t shaking. He didn’t make eye contact. Yonah set the earrings down on the table, sitting down across from him. Out of reach. His shoulders slumped in relief, and he  **hated** how much better he felt.

“I can hold up a mirror if you’d rather do it. I know you don’t like being touched.”

“You Don’t Know Anything!” Standing up had knocked over his chair. His breath came fast, and his panic was evident enough that three Hareraisers had appeared in the room. They were ready to attack, waiting on his word. His hands shook as the unversed fired their attack at the shocked girl, her mouth opening in a slight cry of surprise.

The nethicite bracelet absorbed the attack, likely the only thing that saved her. She was so, so,  _ so  _ lucky it had been a magic based attack. The surprise of the situation had him back in control, he pulled the unversed back to him immediately, stepping back until his back hit the wall. It still wasn’t as much distance as he wanted, but it had to be enough. It had to be.

Yonah was clutching the arm with the nethicite bracelet to her chest, looking faintly startled. Fuck, he should say something. Right?

“Um...sorry, your right. I don’t know. Would it be alright if I pierced your ears wearing gloves? Or, um, or you could do it, I could show you how-”

“Shut. Up.” Pick up the chair. Sit in it. Drink. Make eye contact. Don’t think about anything other then the next action. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine It’s fine _ It’sfineIt’sfine _ . “That probably would have killed you.”

Yonah shrugged uncomfortably, also opting to drink more. “Good thing I can’t take it off while I’m in Bujerba then.”

Vanitas exhaled shakily. It could be mistaken for a laugh if one was being generous. “Your an idiot.”

“Probably. You aren't the first one to say that. Um...I’m sorry. For upsetting you.” Vanitas clenched his fist and jaw, anger forming a hard pit in his stomach.

“ **Don’t** .” Fortunately, Yonah seemed to understand, and nodded.

“I have equipment back at the shop, we do piercings there for customers sometimes. It’s after hours, but I have keys since I work there part time. We can go to the workshop after, I’m allowed to take what I want as long as I enter a receipt and balance out the till.”

Vanitas grunted, shaking his now-empty bottle. Yonah laughed, and it only sounded a little forced. “I can get more Madhu.”

Any distraction at this point was a relief. A drink sounded perfect.

Yonah had to try three times to get the right key to open the shop door. She was less than impressed with Vanitas’ offer to use his Keyblade, though very interested in its abilities, which he begrudgingly explained in minimal detail while she gathered a few things from the shop and rang them up.

It only took two tries to unlock the Synthesis Guild’s side entrance door, and Yonah  _ did  _ let him use Void Gear to unlock her personal studio door, since she had no qualms with the ethics of that.

Also, she was  _ really  _ curious to see the magic weapon in action, it was a new concept to her.

“Huh. Neat.”

The workshop room was nearly three times as large as her room in Bran Bal had been, with much more workspace. Vanitas didn’t recognize most of what was in the room, but it looked much more lived in than the room at the Cloudborne. There was even a hammock in one corner. “That for your books?”

“Hm?...Oh, no, Weiss and Noir haven’t stopped by Bujerba in person yet. They’ve been, um...busy. Anyways…” The gloves she was putting on were much thinner than her usual tan ones, currently sitting on one of the workbenches. Vanitas took a moment to open another bottle of Madhu, already uneasy again.

“You’ve done this before?”

“Yeah. Mostly on moogles and Bangaas, but a few on Humes too. Did you want them on the lobes, or…?”

The fucks a Bangaa? “...whatever. Just so long as it doesn’t look stupid.” His palms were sweating, stomach in a hard knot. He really wanted another drink or five. She was  **right next to him, her hands were next to his neck and-**

The small sting and minor burning were almost anti-climactic. He let out a small hiss, clenching his fists. One down. At least she was fast. The second one had his jaw clenching when her wrist brushed against his cheek, arm twitching as if to strike out, a reflex from countless hours of training. It was hard to say if she didn’t notice his reaction or chose not to. At least she was out of his Personal Space now, he could breathe again. Oh hey, the Madhu was open.

“There’s a mirror against the wall over there. If you want I can reposition it, but once it starts to heal on its own...Nini?”

The piercings were positioned most of the way up the straighter part of his ear, just before the curve started again. Not really a lobe piercing, but not entirely a cartilage one either. It was admittedly a smart placement, it shouldn’t be a hindrance while fighting and whether he had studs, loops or rings that dangled a bit they should all be easy enough to swap out with this placement.

“...’s fine.” He poked the piece of metal that was dangling from his ear gingerly. Honestly, he kind of  _ really  _ liked it. The metal matched his helmet, which was watching him from the table in what he imagined was approval. And if his helmet liked it, it had to be a good thing.

Huh. Drunk again. Whoops. Yonah had clapped her hands together and was smiling  _ that smile _ again. “Oh good. I was thinking I’d start working on a Bubble Belt next, unless you wanted to look into armor work?”

“The fuck is a Bubble Belt?”

“Probably the most practical accessory for a fighter.” Yonah tapped her goggles, slipping them on for a moment. Before popping them back off. “Doubles HP.”

“...Did you just  _ scan  _ me!?”

“Uh...maybe? I wanted to see what your accessory limit was.”

“Who what now?”

“Okay, so obviously everyone would just equip a bunch of accessories if they could to have a lot of extra abilities and be super strong, right? But the magical interface overloads if you go past what your body can handle, kind of like if you try to cast when you don’t have enough MP. So, most people can only equip two or three accessories on average. Earring sets and ring sets are part of the same interface so they don’t interfere with each other, and only ‘count’ as one. But then there's also enchanting, which is on individual pieces of armor or weapons, linked to the materials or accessories instead, and doesn’t pull on a person’s abilities. You follow?”

“...” Nonplussed Stare.

“Um...okay, so like if your helmet was upgraded with better materials it might have higher stats like strength or endurance. But it could also be enchanted to have Scan, or Fortify Health. Or those Cerberus earring. As a base item, they have Strength plus five, but with enchanting they could also have Resist Fire, or Fortify Magic.”

“...” Nonplussed Stare.

“Um...more Madhu?”

“Yes.”

  
  


“Okay, so the short of it is, you start out with the armor-”

“Uh-huh-”

“Then do the synthesis-”

“Or-”

“Or vice-versa, and  **then ** you can do enchanting shit, and it’s overpowered as shit.”

“Basically yeah, once I get to that level.”

“So...how expensive is that shit?” Yonah groaned, flopping forward on the table and knocking over an empty table as she tried not to pout.

“Stupid expensive. The material take  _ forever  _ to gather on my own. I have to either hire someone from another guild to take care of the fiends, which the discount helps, but  _ still _ , or buy the materials in bulk...and I’m still at an apprentice level, so I can only access stuff  _ on my level  _ unless it’s for a special order.” Vanitas snorted.

“That’s dumb.” His fingers tapped on the table. Drunk. Bad idea. Shit.

“Write me a list.”

“Huh?” He lifted a finger, knocking her goggles off. “And stop wearing those when were drinking. Blue eye piss me the fuck off.” Grey eyes blinked at him. Better. “Write me a material list. You said anything I wanted, right? I’ll get your shit, you make me shit. Win win.” More blinking.

“I won’t, but I want to hug you.” She laughed at the disgusted expression on his face. “So, does this mean I’ll see you again?”

“Obviously. How else would I pick up stuff?”

“We have couriers? Off-world deliveries?” Vanitas frowned. The last thing he needed was for Master Xehanort to figure out he was getting help from someone. Said someone would most likely be used to teach him a  _ valuable lesson _ should their existence come to light. Better for everyone if that didn’t happen.

“What, and miss out on free Madhu? Besides, if your going to work on my armor, or my helmet, I obviously have to stick around while it’s being worked on. Can’t exactly go around fighting without it.”

Yonah smiled that stupid smile again, pulling a pad of paper from her desk as they began to go over the details of his first set of armor upgrades.

They didn’t run out of Madhu until after the sun rose.


	6. Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yonah spends the better part of a week working on Vanitas' armor while abusing substances to stay awake, culminating in her body nearly relapsing into a Shade. Vanitas tries to ignore that he's sort-of living with or at Yonah's residences pat time while also doing his best to ignore Braig's abuse haunting both his dreams and waking moments. Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Noir show up to drop some exposition, and reveal that Bujerba isn't safe for Yonah anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: several tags come into play in this chapter.

Months passed with relative ease in the alliance Vanitas felt he had brokered with Yonah. With the aid of the Unversed scavenging, it took far less time to gather materials for his own upgrades and accessories then either of them expected. He would stick around whenever she was working on his armor, drinking her stash of Madhu or clearing out the mines of what the locals called ‘Raksas’. The pay was almost halfway decent, he got some training in, they sometimes dropped decent loot, and training with a handicap was...interesting.

He actually had his own drawer at Yonah’s room now. He’d freaked out an embarrassing amount when she had offered to take him clothes shopping, and revealed that she  _ already had pajamas for him _ . But, what else was he supposed to do, wander around naked while she worked on his armor?

…

Just because it was logical didn’t mean he had to like it.

Hell, he practically lived with her part-time. There was a fucking shelf in the bathroom that was his too.

He was also pretty sure he got more use out of the bed in the Cloudborne room than Yonah did. He hadn’t caught her sleeping there yet, she always seemed to work through the night whenever he came by. But this time, they were finally going to upgrade his armor. A weeks work at least, by any estimate, or so he’d heard her Master muttering as the two had been going over estimates and details.

So now, Yonah had all her shifts covered, and other work on hold. He had no idea what she had told them, and frankly didn’t care, so long as his order was at the top of the list. But he was maybe a little curious. Maybe.

Asinine as it was, Yonah had offered him a  _ key  _ to her workshop when he handed over his armor for inspection. He had a  _ Keyblade _ , keys were a moot point for him. She’d shrugged and muttered something about how he was always welcome here, and could come in whenever he wanted. Ugh. Feelings.

Gross.

  
  


Yonah had been fascinated to discover that the fibers of Vanitas’ armor were actually formed of Dark Matter. Upgrading it to a higher quality down the line was going to be insanely expensive, and she was going to need Ebony level tools for any work done after this session, but that was something for after she was an Adept, not a baby Novice. At least she could do  _ something  _ useful now, even if it was small. And, she could get the plans started on what they would need for the future.

It was about forty hours into synthesis that she hit the first brick wall. Alarm Clocks and weren't quite cutting it anymore, and her Stay Awake Tea was causing enough bathroom trips that it was almost counter productive at this point. Stamina Tablets seemed like the logical solution, and had the bonus effect of focusing her mind. They also had a tendency to give the munchies. Yonah was in the middle of digging around a cabinet, trying to find her tin stash of cookies while waiting for the synthesis to settle when Vanitas stopped in, Keyblade dispersing in a void of smoke. “You up early or late?”

“Mm.” She responded noncommittally, climbing down from the counter she had been kneeling on with the tin clutched close to her chest and plopping down into a chair. “Tea?” He scoffed, muttering something snarky about not being there for any princess parties. Her mind was both too fuzzy and too buzzed to focus properly, more focused on her snack break. Out of habit, she split the cookie in half, offering the other piece of Vanitas. “Come on, you have to eat too.”

“Actually, I don’t-” He was still talking, but her ears were ringing. This was so familiar...her hand dropped slightly, eyes glazing a bit, memory trying desperately to reach for what-

“Fine, geez, I’ll eat the stupid thing.” Vanitas snatching the cookie half out of her hands snapped her out of it, and as she blinked the fog out of her mind the event was neatly erased from her memory as though it had never happened. She smiled, drinking her tea as she munched on cookies, leaving the tin on the table in case Vanitas changed his mind on wanting more. Seeing Vanitas dressed like a Bhujerban local, albeit in a more monochrome coloring, was still fun. He’d complained it made him look like a streetwalker, but it was actually more modest than what most people in her homeworld wore. Then again, if his armor was any indication, keeping all skin covered might be normal where he was from. The two times she had tried to ask he’d been angry. And not angry in the cover-up-his-emotions like the person-she-couldn’t-remember did way, actually angry, so she decided not to ask him again.

He’d also been angry when she asked about the...odd bruises and marks he had that didn’t match up with fighting or training like he claimed. Furious when she had asked if he wanted help with first aid. His Personal Space rule seemed to be more and more in effect these days, and it was hard to say if it was the idea of physical contact that bothered him or if it was someone else’s skin touching him that was the real problem. Her fingers accidentally brushing against his when passing a bottle of Madhu had him flinching away strongly enough that he fell flat on his ass, near panic.

Now she let him have his own bottle. She also didn’t drink while working, it didn't’ mix well with stimulants. Oh, and it would be unprofessional, so there was that too. Another alarm going off had Yonah spinning around on reflex, giggling a bit as the world spun with her. Burner to low, use tongs, move beaker, add the smaller beaker of room-temperature water. Fill new beaker to fill line with water, add extracts of blue mountain flower, powdered wheat rock warbler egg and a pinch of saltrice, reset alarm. One hi-potion cooling and another cooking! Still giggling Yonah sat down on her rolling stool, kicking off the floor to slide it across the room back to her desk, his checking it slightly to come to a stop, completely unaware of Vanitas’ presence in the room, let alone the bemused look on his face as he observed her antics.

The bottle holding Stamina Tablets only had one left, she downed it without a thought before tossing it over her shoulder, tossing it neatly into a trashcan half-full of scrapped paper. Was the bottom drawer of her desk always this cluttered? Was that really the last bottle of Stamina Tablets? Those were a twelve hour distillation process minimum, so if she didn’t want to run to the shop she was going to need to-

“How high are you right now anyways?” Yonah bumped her head on the underside of her desk as attempted to stand up, half in a panic, a scream dying in her throat. Embarrassing didn’t  _ begin  _ to cover forgetting Vanitas was here.

“I, I’m not-” He was holding up the empty bottle of Stamina Tablets. Eyeing the other two empty bottles on top of her desk that had obviously different labels. Straightening her posture and definitely putting her shoulders back Yonah straightened her hair, knocking back her hood and putting the goggles on the desk behind her. She didn’t need their practical applications for anything, and there was no need to stay disguised locked in her own workshop.

“Okay fine, I’m a little buzzed. It’s just a caffeine replacement, the tea on this world doesn’t have the kick I’m used to.” Not entirely a lie. Vanitas scoffed, dropping the bottle back in the bin before making his way over to the hammock in the corner of her workshop.

“Whatever. The mines are cleared out and I’m bored, taking a nap.” Ok-ay then. For someone who claimed to not need sleep, he seemed to really enjoy taking naps. His eyes had had dark circles under them for a while now too, so she wasn’t going to do anything to talk him out of it.

“Is there any time you wanted me to wake you up at?”

“...anyone comes or goes. Or breakfast. That spicy sausage stuff? Shits good.” Not really a time, but she was almost used to his not-requests at this point. Once she was sure he was actually asleep, she eased open a different drawer and pulled out a bottle she’d purchased from an Archadian soldier. A ‘study-aid’ with a totally normal dose of caffeine...and side-effect of sleeplessness. She'd only tried it twice before, but there was a lot of work to get done soon. Chewing up two should get them to react faster.

Vanitas watched with one eye cracked open from the hammock.

Two more days passed in a similar fashion. Yonah’s energy simmered lower and lower, the bags under her eyes growing as she steadily stockpiled potions and managed to smith a few rings in between setting stages on Vanitas’ armor. She occasionally left for supplies, and brought him back meals if he was in the workshop, but he was almost positive she hadn’t slept. Not that he cared. It was just morbidly fascinating. Why would she push herself like this? What was in it for her, was she usually like this or was it a by-product of her new habit? Fuck it, so long as he got his stuff it didn’t really matter. So he tried to enjoy the down time.

** _The shithead guy that Master Xehanort kept bringing around was back again today. Apparently his performance was unsatisfactory, and he needed ‘additional training’. Braig wasn’t nearly as strong as the old man, in magic or might, but he was far younger. Vanitas also had no idea what to expect from him, and working with the unexpected was constantly proving to be his downfall. Everything he did seemed to be wrong, Master Xehanort was _ ** **disappointed** ** _, not that Vanitas really cared, but he was damn sick of this shit, he was _ ** **trying ** ** _dammit, what else did they want-_ **

** _Better. They wanted better._ **

** _Tired. So damn tired. Shithead guy didn’t ‘appreciate the mouth’ on Vanitas. Had a batter use for his mouth. What the fuck was that supposed to-_ **

**No. His helmet was off. A hand on his jaw, fingers digging in, his eyes wide in shock as-**

Vanitas woke in a cold sweat, furiously glad that Yonah wasn’t in the workshop. Getting food? Whatever, he wasn’t going to be here. The mines. He needed to kill something. A lot of somethings.

It was nightfall when he started back. Fuck he wanted a shower. And food. For supposedly not needing it, once he started having it semi-regularly, his body seemed to crave it. Some sort of symbiotic memory between his current body and the one he used to exist in before he was ripped from Ventus? Whatever. Shower first, then bug the shit out of Yonah if there wasn’t food. Maybe she’d be finished with the job and he could head back to his real training.

Spotting two figures in black cloaks outside of the Cloudborne had him pressing himself against the building, blending his presence with the shadows.  _ What the hell? Who were they? _

“Why did you lie to Yonah?” The two figures had their hoods down. Each had a book and identical swords with long handles and jagged teeth strapped to their backs. Weren’t those books Yonah’s ‘guardians’?

“Didn’t really have much of a choice. Besides, what else could we tell her? Remembering either of them at this point could refracture her heart or turn her gestalt, and then his sacrifice would be for nothing. I don’t like it any better than you do, but it’s the only real option we have for now. Until we can get new bodies for them, learning the truth only puts them in danger.” The one with white hair scoffed, crossing his arms.

“It seems like shes already in danger! Drinking, drugs, working herself to death, and for what? Guilt over something she can’t even remember? It’s utter nonsense. We need to come up with another plan, perhaps Popela can be convinced to see reason-” Black hair took two quick steps forward, his face inches away from his companion.

“Are you forgetting she betrayed you too? She would have killed you if she could have, and Devola  _ is  _ dead, even if Popela is under the delusion that she can get her sister back working for Hamelin. Once she realizes that nothing can save her sister’s heart, she won’t stop until everyone involved in Devola’s death is destroyed. Including you. And Yonah. We can’t involve her.”

“Well what would you suggest-”

“I would suggest we get back to work instead of hanging around here. Yonah is finally asleep, and should remain that way for hours yet. We’ll return in the morning and reassess the situation. Until then we need to keep a level head and keep moving forward. Don’t let your desperation rule you, Weiss.”  _ Weiss? _ Sure enough, the white-haired individual  _ did  _ have the corresponding book on his back. And he did have the same annoying tone and speech patterns now that he thought back on it. So, they had human forms as well? Weird.

The two were arguing in lowered tones, and there was no way to overhear without getting closer. He didn’t feel like giving himself away. Sure, they were probably on Yonah’s side, but with those cloaks…

What was Yonah’s side anyways? Could he even trust her?

He didn’t need to. He didn’t need to trust anyone. He just needed to get stronger, wait for Ventus to train up on his own so that they could clash and complete master Xehanort's plan. Then he could be complete. That was all that mattered.

Eventually Weiss and Noir seemed to reach an agreement and walked off. Vanitas didn’t waste any time in heading to Yonah’s room, he was getting that shower dammit, and nothing was going to stop-

She was throwing up while kneeling in the shower, her nightgown thoroughly soaked from the spray. Red-black muck spiraled down the drain of the tub as the water dilated it, mild shock hitting him as he realized it was blood. One of her hands was pushing up against the wall of the shower, trying to keep herself upright while the other kept a death-grip on the edge of the tub. Both her arms had lazy black runes swirling up and down just beneath the skin, and when she turned to look at him her right eye was shadowed with a yellow glow.

His heart stopped with in his throat.  **What the fuck-**

“...Nini?” Darkness, held back by something far more powerful then he would have ever given the frail girl credit for, was oozing from her. There was so much of it…

“Could you please-” Another coughing fit. Fuck but there was a lot of blood. No wonder her face was so pale. She shakily wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, matted hair sticking to her arm. “By the bed, my pouch…” He nodded numbly. Violence and blood didn’t bother him, he often reveled in it, but something about sickness, and helplessness made him incredibly uneasy. He was more than happy to have an excuse to be out of that room. Going back in took more willpower than he wanted to admit. He looked away as she fumbled with an injector, giving herself two doses directly in her neck. He really hated needles.

Curiously, the darkness seemed to recede at the same rate the runes slowed. As they faded, the yellow engulfing her eye diminished to reveal her regular eye. Yonah slumped against the wall as the last traces left her body, wet hair sticking to her oddly as zoned out, utterly drained.

Well, this was awkward as fuckall. Vanitas cleared his throat. “So...I was gonna take a shower?” Yonah nodded, one hand flopping to the side to kill the water as she half climbed, half fell out of the tun, pulling down a towel from the rack on her way down. It fluttered down on top of her, her knees were still in the tub as she gave a weak attempt to blow her wet bangs out of her eyes. Another kick had her scooted away from the tub, sitting up against the wall with the towel now puddled in her lap as she started to pull off her soaking wet nightgown.

Vanitas’ face went red as he turned his back, sputtering lightly as he tried to figure out what the fuck to do. His escape route was blocked by a stripping girl, what was he supposed to do, just stay in the room? Start his shower? Fuck it-

The door closed. He turned around, and he was alone. A light thump noise and the door’s light shake told him Yonah was probably propped up against it on the other side. “...sorry ‘bout that.” He wasn’t even sure he was supposed to hear with how quietly she’d said it. His helmet judged him silently from its spot on the counter while he scrubbed harder than strictly necessary, washing his hair and teeth twice compulsively to force a feeling of being clean.

Yonah was asleep in her bed when came back into the room to grab fresh clothing. He held a hand up to her mouth to be sure she was breathing, she looked like she could be dead. What the hell was wrong with her anyways? Whatever, Weiss and Noir sad they’d be back in the morning, they could take care of her then. He didn’t need to worry about it. It wasn’t his responsibility.

His fists clenched.

What would have happened if he hadn’t come by? Why the hell did he even care? Right, he still needed her to finish the job. Maybe it was done? He’d head out in a few hours, swing by her workshop once her Guardians showed back up to do the jobs they  _ should  _ be here doing now. Asshats. He sat down at the table, picking up one of her synthesis books to leaf through to kill time.

_ Running. Running. Ni-- _

_ Where are you? I can’t find you! Ni-- _

_ Sirens blaring. Snow falling from the sky. No. Not snow. Salt. _

_ White Chlorination Syndrome has reduced so many to a fine ash of salt, it rains down from the sky like snow now. Will I be next? Will everyone in the world- _

_ People keep bumping into me. I’m lost. I can’t find my way. I’m scared. Why are they screaming? _

_ I keep wandering. Eventually I manage to get away from the crowd. Is that a good thing, or am I in more danger now? I’m scared. It’s scary. Where are you Ni-- _

_ A stranger finds me crying. She holds me close, tells me everything will be okay. She’ll help me find who I’m looking for. She’ll save me. It isn’t as scary now. Thank you Kai-- _

_ Snowing. No, snowing salt. A supermarket? The monsters are coming. He told me to hide, but he’s out there fighting. I’m putting him at risk, we can’t run anymore because of my weak body. I wish I wasn’t sick. I wish I wasn’t holding him back. I want to protect him too! Ni-- _

_ It hurts. Like fire and ice under my skin, in my blood, my bones. Darkness is creeping in my vision, my heart. I can’t hear his voice anymore. I’m so sorry. N.i.-.-... _

_ It’s cold. I’m...floating? Falling? Alone. Alone. How will anyone ever find me here? I’m scared. It’s scary. I’m sorry. I’ll be good, I promise. Please don’t leave me here all alone. _

Tears fell down Yonah’s face silently as she dreamed, dripping down the sides of her face to her pillow. Vanitas pretended not to notice. Dreams and emotions were private, and he knew how to mind his own business.

Two sets of boots walking then pausing outside the door were all the notice Vanitas needed to slip out the window., and head to Yonah’s workshop unnoticed.

Coming to the workshop seemed to be a bust. Just because his armor was neatly folded up didn’t mean it was ready to go. He had no idea where Yonah’s work was in all of this. He’d have to wait for her to show up, or head back on his own. Dammit.

With how out of it she’d been last night, he doubted she’d be awake any time soon. And those two probably wouldn’t let him wake her up to ask if he was good to go, hell they might not even be on board with him being in her room. Did they even know about him, outside of the one actual meeting the four of them had had over half a year ago? Vanitas plopped down in the hammock, swinging it lightly by kicking the wall. He had been wanting another nap…

** _He fucking hated Braig. Hated his stupid smug smirk, his annoying voice, his know-it-all attitude._ **

** _His breathe, the way the creep’s voice seemed to _ ** **touch ** ** _him, the stink of it wafting around him every time he spoke. He couldn’t beat him with magic. He couldn’t beat him with his Keyblade. He couldn’t beat him with his Unversed. He couldn’t beat him._ **

** _And the fucker knew it. Loved to taunt him. Loved to drive it home, break him, guise it all under making him stronger, better._ **

** _And then, Vanitas fucked up. Big time. And the old man told Braig to discipline him as he saw fit._ **

** _He couldn’t move. His body had never been in so much pain. He couldn’t summon any more unversed, his emotions were drained from the numbness of their shared pain._ **

** _And then Braig told him it was time for his punishment to start._ **

** _He kicked his ribs._ **

** _His stomach._ **

** _His helmet, hard enough that it flew off._ **

** _There was a hand on his neck, digging in brutally as he was lifted and thrown. The rock bit into him as his body crumpled over it, inadvertently hugging it. It was too much. His vision was spotting, he spat blood. Braig’s hand was at the base of his scalp, digging into his hair, pulling painfully. Tears stung his eyes, embarrassment stinging his stomach at this pitiful display coupling with his defeat._ **

** _Then, a cold wash of dread, terror as Braig _ ** **touched him.**

** _Oh, FUCK, he was going to- _ **

Vanitas Screamed.

He stared at Yonah from his new spot on the floor, sitting flat on his ass. Yonah. Who had apparently decided to wake him up by using a knife to drop the hammock. Probably a good fucking idea, if she had touched him while he was having a dream like that…

He shivered, covered in cold sweat. Yonah swallowed hard, uneasy. Maybe she had finally learned better than to bring shit up.

“Nini…” Or not. “Um...sorry. You weren’t sleeping well, and then you started screaming, so…”

“...’s fine.” If his voice came out a bit rougher than usual, so what? Neither of them made eye contact. Yonah placed a bag on the desk next to Vanitas’ armour, a shy smile on her face.

“Your order is ready.” He eyed the bag carefully, hesitantly taking the two steps forward to get close enough to peek inside. He really didn’t want to be within touching distance of  _ anyone _ right now, not with the memory so close to the surface. His eyes went wide at the number of Hi-Potions inside, the bag was heavier than he expected.

“Shit...Uh, thanks. What, uh, what do I owe you for-” Yonah shook her head, smile more firmly in place. She still looked tired, and her eyes shone lightly as if with fever, but there was a contentedness to her now that there hadn’t been before.

“It’s all from materials you’ve brought me. Just please, take care of yourself?” He swallowed hard. What the hell. Why the fuck. Why would… He nodded stiffly. Yonah started to set a piece of paper down, and he surprised both of them by taking it from her hand.

“This the next list?”

“Mmm...and um...I might have to leave this world soon. Kuro and Shiro came by, I guess...I guess it isn’t safe here for me anymore.” Her laugh was hollow. “So, if I leave before you get back again, I’ll leave a letter with the guild. They’ll know to look out for you, if that’s okay…?” Vanitas crossed his arms, uncomfortable with the idea of entering the crowded area to get a piece of stupid mail.

“Aren't you just going back to Bran Bal?”

“No idea.”

“...can’t you just leave notice there?”

“I don’t know how long it’ll take for the letter to get there, but um...sure? What, like just have it delivered to my old house or something?” It took a moment too long for Vanitas to realize Yonah had no idea he sort-of lived at her place there part-time. She blinked at him, seeming to put the pieces together somehow. Ugh. Annoying. Why was she  _ blushing _ ?

“Oh! Um, y-yeah, okay then.” Vanitas used the half-hanging hammock as a screen to change into his armor. The fit seemed a bit better, and while it didn't seem like a huge difference, it felt more...breathable? Yonah was coughing quietly, obviously trying to muffle the noise. She was crumpling a cloth and dropping it into the trash when he ducked back out, feeling much better back in his own clothes.

“So, what’s wrong with you anyways?” Yonah jumped guiltily, a small smudge of blood still visible at the corner of her mouth.

“Uh, I don’t sleep well or enough?” Vanitas gave her an unimpressed look before tapping the side of his mouth. Yonah reached up reflexively, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and still managing to look startled when she saw her blood.

‘Oh!...um...I’m...sick…” Vanitas snorted.

“No shit. You dying?” He regretted asking. Her silence was all the answer he needed. Fuck, he didn’t mean to…

“...Kuro and Shiro should be here soon. Did you want to stay for lunch?” That stupid smile was on her face again. Why was she giving him an easy out after he fucked up like that? Well, who was he to turn down a perfectly good excuse to leave?

“I’m not in the mood for a tea party with a pair of floating books.” He opened a portal of darkness, ignoring her gasp of surprise. Despite her getting the work done at breakneck speed, he felt like he’d been here for far too long. And with how strict things with his ‘Master’ were getting, he really didn’t want to push his luck.


	7. Near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creepy old Men Being Creepy scientists. Torture. The link between Shades and heartless is revealed. Confusing scenes as memories are unblocked and Nier is brought back into existence, only to be gestaltized. Who knew he was so near to Yonah's heart the whole time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of somewhat graphic torture and implied/referenced torture. Several things have been glossed over and kept vague.

There was a strange red-haired woman sitting with the old man when Vanitas arrived back in the keyblade Graveyard one day. Something about her seemed...off. And Master Xehanort was  _ way  _ too interested in whatever it was she had to say to him. Her head turned, her dead aqua eyes boring into his even through his helmet.

“Is this the boy? It seems the research Master Hamelin did was successful after all. How...fortunate that it wasn’t a waste.” Vanitas fought not to shudder. What the hell was wrong with this bitch? Every instinct he had screamed at him to  **run** .

“Indeed, though the full culmination of my own work is still a ways out. I do owe a debt of thanks to Master Hamelin, and as such, am happy to offer any assistance I can to help him with his own work. Vanitas!” Xehanort’s voice raised sharply, the order clear. Vanitas felt himself snap to attention, hesitantly curious in spite of himself as to what his new mission might be.

“You are to assist Popela here in locating her missing ward, a young girl named Yonah. It seems she survived the destruction of their world, and my dear friend Master Hamelin is most anxious to be reunited with the child.”

**Fuck**

  
  


_ My Homeworld didn’t have a day night cycle. I never saw a sunrise or sunset; the stars or the moon. Just the sun and clouds. The only darkness I knew was behind my closed eyes. And the Shades that infested our world. The first time I woke up to nighttime, I was sure I was going to die. How could people survive the attacks when the shadows took over for hours at a time? And then I realized, Shades weren’t everywhere. Just on Gestalt. Maybe some other places, but for most worlds, a heavily clouded day wasn’t an event to be feared for the safety of your family. _

The door creaked open, and Yonah set her pen down, smiling at Vanitas as he walked into her workshop. “Nini! Your early!” He looked surprised to see her.

“Your still in Bujerba?” Yonah nodded, setting aside the journal she had been writing in before stretching to pop her back.

“My reassignment is still pending. Shiro wanted me to go back to Bran Bal, but the workshop here is better, and I didn’t want to stop in the middle of my projects. Besides, a few days shouldn’t make much of a difference, and Kuro hasn’t left the area. I should be safe enough.” Vanitas swallowed, mouth dry, his fists clenching. How could she be this  _ stupid _ ?

“Oh, your belt is almost ready! I could have it done by tomorrow if I-”

“Yonah.” She turned to look at him. At least her goggles were hanging around her neck, this was easier with her eyes blue. “...when was the last time you left the workshop?”

He didn’t alert Popela that day. They got lunch. Talked shop. Yonah looked...tired. Sick. She would work for a few hours between napping. He pretended to be surprised when Noir showed up in a human body, and they gave each other some shit. He liked this one better than the stuffy one, and Yonah dissolved into a fit of giggles when he said as much. “Shiro isn’t  _ that  _ bad!”

He tried out different accessories in the shop, and gave Yonah shit when he scanned her. “How is your cooking skill  _ seven _ ? No wonder you always bring food back, you’d probably kill us all with the shit you burn.” She laughed, not bothering to deny the truth of his statement. Her illness seemed to have a side-effect similar to sap, and her HP was steadily declining. He politely pretended not to notice her sipping on potions throughout the day, or the alarms that seemed to coincide with medicine Grimoire Noir would bring to the workshop.

It took another day before she finished the Bubble Belt. It was impressive enough on its own, but what really got him was the detailing. At first he had thought it was just going to match his suit, but she had also put the Unversed symbol onto the crossing buckles, making it uniquely his. Why was his throat tight? He didn’t like this feeling. She’d made him another bundle of hi-potions too, spouting some nonsense about wanting to make sure he didn’t run out. He should really turn them down, but...he did need them.

He’d already sent word to Popela for  _ where _ . Now it was a matter of  _ when _ . She hadn’t seemed surprised that he’d found Yonah so quickly. Had she know? Had Xehanort? Had this, all of it, been a test? The old man so often seemed to know things he couldn’t possibly, he couldn’t rule it out. Disobeying hadn’t really been an option. Besides, he didn’t owe Yonah anything.

He didn’t.

Fuck, he hated this.

His finger twitched as he dispatched a Flood with orders to inform Popela. Grimoire Noir had left about twenty minutes ago, and while it was a bit early for dinner, he’d noticed that Yonah never turned him down when he asked her to go for food. There wasn’t ever going to be a better opportunity than this.

  
  


Yonah smiled as she walked down the streets of Bujerba with Vanitas, heading towards the market for dinner. The past few days had been wonderful, it felt like the skills she was learning were really starting to come together! The medicine Weiss and Noir brought her kept her illness manageable so long as she slept every couple of nights. In truth, she suspected that if she slept every night she probably wouldn’t need to take the medicine at all, but her dreams had been haunting her more and more of late, so she tried to avoid sleeping when she could get away with it.

That Vanitas had decided to visit again so soon, and for an extended visit was also uplifting for her. She’d been worried that learning she was dying would have scared him off, so many children and adults in her life had avoided her in her past after learning the same. But he seemed to be trying to ignore it, and that was fine with her. She usually tried to do the same thing, since there wasn’t really much she could do about it. Black Scrawl wasn’t cureable, so she was trying to enjoy the time she had left.

Vanitas’ steps had slowed to a stop, and she was turning around to face him when a black-cloaked figure stepped out in front of her. Was Weiss already back? She turned back, ready to great her friend when she realized the figure was too short and...female? The hood lowered, and Yonah’s heart stopped for a full beat, smile freezing on her face as her entire body broke into a cold sweat.

“Popela…” A hand on her head was pulling her hood off, and her goggles with it. The world felt fuzzy, surreal. This couldn’t...her head turned to see Vanitas’ gloved hand falling away from her, his helmeted face turned away. “Nini…?” It wasn’t even a true whisper, her voice was failing her, breathe caught in her throat and tears dripping down her face as Popela came closer.

“So it really is you. Your...older than I thought you’d be.” Popela was hugging her, one hand stroking her hair. She couldn’t move, wasn’t sure she was breathing. Was her heart still beating? “Everything is going to be alright now, Yonah.” She’d never been so scared in her life. Shouldn’t she be happy to see Popela, the woman had practically been a second mother to her after she’d lost her own…

Yonah pushed away abruptly, nearly falling over in her haste to  **get away** . Popela’s smiled faded as though it had never existed, a stern look taking over the former librarian's face.

“What are you doing Yonah.” Shaky hands reached to the hem of her shorts to an outer-thigh holster, pulling out a revolver and loading it with what looked to be a glowing blue marble, reaching into her opposite side to equip her nethicite bracelet. It wasn’t really a question, but she was going to answer her former friend anyways.

“I’m not going with you, Popela.” Vanitas watched in slight fascination, disbelieving that Yonah could do anything to defend herself. Popela seemed to have arrived at the same conclusion if her laugh was anything to judge by. The red-haired woman lifted a wooden staff and pointed it at Yonah, her voice icy.

“You don’t have a say in the matter. You can’t honestly think you can stop me with a  _ magic gun _ .” Popela’s laughter sounded deranged. Unstable. It cut off abruptly when Yonah fired, her staff raising to catch the shot, a small explosion of ice coating it. “Pathetic.” She brushed it off with her hand, red-black magic oozing from her finger-tips. Yonah paled, hands shaking as she reloaded with a non-glowing bullet and fired again. Popela swatted the bullet away with her hand like a gnat, her irritated expression giving away just how unimpressed she was.

Yonah swallowed, reloading again even as Popela began to walk towards her. Vanitas felt his shoulders slump. It was beyond pathetic really, why was she even bothering to-

Yonah had the gun pressed to her temple. Popela stopped in her tracks, her mouth forming a small ‘o’ of surprise. “Yonah, what are you-”

“You need me for something, right? I told you, I’m not going with you.” Damn. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who didn’t see that one coming. He really had to hand it to her, it was a ballsy move. Popela’s hand was tightening on her staff, he anger nearly a palpable thing when a black blur appeared, swinging a sword down on her to drive her back.

“Get away from her!” Noir swung his blade against Popela’s staff in an attempt to drive her back, jumping back a moment later as he pulled back his fist. An enormous black and red fist of magic gathered, punching out towards Popela even as she threw up a shield that seemed to be made of the same magical energy. Noir turned in the same moment, using the temporary distraction to grab Yonah and throw the girl on his back as he tried to run.

Tried being the key word.

A sphere of energy surrounded the two mid-leap, connected to Popela’s staff by a long tendril of energy. “It seems giving you a body was a good gamble after all. You never would have made such a foolish mistake in your other form.” A second blur of black same at Popela, this one with white hair. Weiss’ attack broke her concentration long enough for the spell to fall apart, freeing Noir and Yonah. Noir shifted Yonah so that she was half-cradled to his chest, one arm under her legs and around her back as he pointed his sword at Popela while Yonah kept a tight grip around his neck.

“How the hell did you find us?” To her credit, Yonah didn’t look at Vanitas. Neither of the Grimoires seemed to have connected his presence to the situation at hand, all their focus on the threat in front of them. Popela gave a casual fling of her arm, causing Weiss to slide back until he was nearly alongside Noir.

“The two of you aren't nearly as subtle as you seem to think you are. Did you honestly believe we wouldn’t keep track of your travels? You’ve have  Kainé Sword’s for almost a month now, I knew you had to be on the right track. To think, you had the original Gestalt the entire time though…” Yonah clutched her head, groaning as images of a woman with silver hair and purple eyes flooded her memories. A lunar tear flower, being saved from the Shadow Lord, something s p e c i a l-------

“Yonah!”

“You still can’t remember them? Your most important people, hidden inside that farce of a heart-”

“Stop talking!” Weiss flung several Dark Lances at Popela, all of them glancing off harmlessly. She raised a hand, chanting as a she summoned a white light. Weiss fell to the ground, seizing as Popela striped him of his magic. “You still haven't learned. That magic comes from me, you can’t use it against me!”

“Weiss!” Noire flung two Dark Hand spells towards Popela, setting Yonah down behind him as he crouched down near Weiss, picking up Weiss’ dropped sword and facing Popela with a scowl.

“How curious. You two have killed each other, but now your fighting to protect each other? No matter. If I have to recycle your vessels to bring that Replicant back with me, so be it.” Magic crackled in the air and Noir grunted at the impact. Weiss gripped his ankle for a moment, shaking his head.

“Get them out of here. We can’t let Hamelin have them. We promised-”Noir kicked the hand away, swiping one of Kainé’s swords through the air to knock back Popela’s magic attack.

“I’m not leaving you here Weiss.”

“Idiot! Now isn’t the time to-”

In the end, it didn’t matter. Despite having been trained as child soldiers to fight the legion, the Replicant bodies they inhabited were still new to them, and they were unused to physical fighting. Without Devola by her side, Popela couldn’t entirely revoke the Sealed Verses from the humanoid Grimoires, but they were badly outclassed enough that it didn’t matter that they could throw the occasional offensive spell at her.

Vanitas watched from the alleyway he had retreated to, fascinated in spite of himself. Weiss and Noir were...something else. The way they handled those blades, he felt like he was leaning just by watching. If he could have  _ trained  _ with them,  _ learned  _ with them. Well, that bridge was most definitely burned now. Popela was a true monster, and seemed utterly deranged. The longer the fight went on, the more brutal her attacks became. She seemed to delight in inflicting damage, taunting Grimoires and the nearly-comatose-Yonah alike.

Shit. But...he hadn’t had a choice. He  _ hadn’t _ .  **He hadn’t** . Disobeying would have meant...what would Master Xehanort have done to him? What would he have allowed Braig to do to him?

Weiss and Noir were both kneeling on the ground now, Popela was moving in for the kill. It was almost over. Vanitas turned his head away. This was such  _ shit _ .

“Wait.” Yonah was standing again. Walking forward, ignoring Wiess and Noir’s protests. “I...I’ll go with you. I’ll cooperate.” Popela’s staff shot out, knocking the protesting boys into unconsciousness, before turning to Yonah with an unimpressed look.

“You say that as though you have any option in the matter.” Another wave of her staff had Weiss and Noir contained in floating orbs, pulling their helpless forms along behind her. Her hand was an iron grip on Yonah’s shaking arm, the girl’s fear obvious. A portal of darkness opened in front of the red-haired woman, leading to who-knew where. Vanitas took an inadvertent step forward, wishing he hadn’t drawn attention to himself when Yonah’s head turned in his direction as the group moved through the portal, her terror all too blatant as they made a moment of eye-contact before the corridor closed.

Fuck all of this, he was getting as drunk as he wanted before going back, damn the consequences.

  
  


Hamelin was pleased to welcome his guests, sure they wouldn’t mind the slight mess his laboratory was currently in. Xehanort was a man of Science, in his own way, and would no doubt appreciate his own experiments. Braig seemed to be almost more curious, he’d have to keep an eye on that one. Something was...off about him. He should absolutely not be allowed alone with his research, specimens or otherwise. The helmeted one was doubtless the result of one of Xehanort’s own experiments, and Hamelin had been looking forward immensely to comparing notes now that he had his playthings back.

Popela followed along silently, his favorite android once again calm and following directions as she should be. No doubt he would need to develop another Devola unit son to appease her, though it might be more prudent to scrap this one and simply devise a new pair altogether, this one was decidedly unstable. They never did well once one was unsalvageable.

“Master Xehanort, it has been far too long!” Hamelin wiped his bloody hands off on his apron before shaking hands enthusiastically, pretending not to notice the light curl of the other man’s lip. Really now, he was wearing gloves, what was the harm?

“Indeed Master Hamelin, far too long.I trust your work has been going well, since you were able to recover your subjects? I’m thankful Vanitas was able to assist you in that matter, the boy owes you a debt of gratitude as well for your research.” Vanitas twitched in response, bothered by the notion that he owed this stranger anything. Hamelin laughed it off.

“Nonsense, I’m happy to share my research with a fellow philosopher. It’s so rare to find someone else in this field.” The two laughed, sharing a joke that neither Braig nor Vanitas understood. Before proceeding into the next room.

A panel of glass separated the observation room from the diases where Weiss and Noir’s bodies were strapped to dias, their Grimoire’s strapped to similar smaller dias and etched with glyphs that were mostly covered by the bodies. Restrains criss-crossed the books in an X pattern, while the humanoid bodies had restraints at the wrists, ankles, elbows, knees, waist, forehead, chest and throat. It looked like overkill. Noir snarled at Hamelin, attempting to pull at his restraints. Weiss seemed to be unconscious. Any words he might have been saying were trapped on the other side of the glass.

“My my, still so feisty! Lets see if we can’t fix that, hm? We need to be on our best behavior for our guests…” The pull of a lever had electricity shooting through all four apparatuses, the currents arching through both bodies and books. Vanitas imagined Noir was screaming, though it was impossible to hear through the glass. Weiss was still unresponsive. Was he dead? Hamelin flipped the switch back, looking disgusted when Noir vomited on himself. A nod at Popela had Noir being hosed off by mad man’s assistant, his now sopping wet hair covering most of his face.

“I do apologize for that, it seems that good manners are a difficult thing for soldiers to learn.” Xehanort laughed along with Hamelin. “Indeed, that is something I am all too familiar with.” Vanitas scowled behind his helmet but managed not to react outwardly otherwise. Proving their point here would only end badly for him. And he’d really rather not give Xehanort an excuse to let Hamelin...teach him manners. The red-haired woman had finished cleaning up the mess in the other room and rejoined them.

“It would seem that your experiment was more successful than mine. Perhaps magic is more fitting for matters of the heart then science. Alas, it cannot be helped.” Vanitas did  **not ** like the way this guy was looking at him. What did he know about him, about how he was created? Xehanort chuckled.

“Having problems with the separation process, are we?” His blood went cold. This man was...cleaving beings in two? There were others, more like him and Ventus? Hamelin sighed, motioning for the group to follow him to the next chamber.

“Combining two separate hearts together was a mistake, one I now regret making. At the time, it seemed the only way to keep them from being lost. Our world was falling, and there was so little time...alas, the past cannot be changed.” A meaty cough had Popela handing an embroidered kerchief to her Master, which came away visibly bloated.

“Without the original Gestalt, there is no Maso. Without Maso, I cannot continue to use the Sleeping Beauty system to make more Replicants for myself. It is an imperfect system from an imperfect world. Once they are separated once more however, it will no longer be a problem. As such, I offer you a counter-proposal today. Access to my research into Replicas in exchange for your assistance in separating the hearts of these two beings to be placed into new bodies. I assume since you came here, you have no objections…?”

Being at the back of the group had the benefit of no one noticing when you stopped in your tracks. What...was all of this? What kind of experimentation-

“Your offer is most generous, and I am happy to provide my assistance. In truth, I have been interested in learning about more of your research for quite some time. I should like to include the boy in this endeavor however. He’ll need to learn about Diving into the Heart, and this seems as good a time as any. I, of course, will be doing the actual process, he will merely observe.” Hamelin nodded, entering a long string of numbers into a pin-pad to open the next room. Even with his helmet he could smell the antiseptic, and memories from  _ before  _ said hospital. Braig looks physically discomfited as well, if the crinkling of his nose was anything to go by.

The room was nearly all white, with several drains in the floor. Several small tables with various instruments littered the available space, surrounding a movable table where a figure in a mostly-white hospital gown was strapped down. There was a fair bit of blood, and it took Vanitas’ brain a little too long to catalog things. Torture devices. Blood. Yonah. He just might be sick. Hamelin approached the table and the girl’s head rolled to the side as if in a drugged stupor, confused and unaware of her surroundings.

“Why good morning! Why don’t you greet our guests my dear-?” He gestured back towards the group, taking a step away so that the girl could see from where she was tied down. Her head lolled a bit, as if she couldn’t quite concentrate enough to follow the simple instructions.

“Now now, that won’t do at all.” Hamelin Took her jaw in her fingers, eliciting a small noise of pain from her and forcing eye contact. Yonah’s attention seemed to focus for a moment, a small amount of fear on her face.

“Pick a number between one and five.” There was nothing but anger in his voice. The room was deathly quiet.

“T-two…?” He raised her hand to his mouth and bit down, removing her first and middle fingers in a spurt of blood. She screamed, jerking against the restraints holding her down against the table. Hamelin spat the digit out, wiping his mouth off on the handkerchief Popela offered him.

“Really now, the lack of manners…” He waved at Xehanort offhandedly, making his way to a complicated looking piece of machinery at the far side of the room.

“I’ll be monitoring your progress from here. The other presence has been trying to hide itself successfully enough that its obscuring the memories of everyone connected to it. Once you isolate it, remove it by any means necessary. The survival of this specimen is not necessary, but would be useful if possible.” Just like with Ventus. Vanitas’ gut churned around the block of ice forming in the pit, and he was distantly surprised that no unversed were forming. Was numbness not enough of an emotion for the beings to latch onto?

The last time Vanitas had been present for a dive to the heart, it had been...Ventus’. They’d been in the process of separating. It had  _ hurt _ . He’d been trying to reach out to it, pulling away the bits that were _ his _ but also wanting the rest, wanting those bits of light. He didn’t want to be separated, and the brokenness of it had been so wrong. Their heart had been fractured, and he thought he knew what to expect.

Their separation had been neat and clean by comparison. This was...a mess. Yonah was curled up with someone he had to assume was her brother, they looked so alike, in the middle of the platform in an embrace not unlike a yin-yang symbol. They weren’t sharing the space equally, however. The male dominated the space, Yonah was pushed nearly to the side. Several spheres held images of others; a woman with hair like theirs, a young boy with a blind fold. The two books who followed Yonah around. Why were they on his side of the platform and not hers? Weren't they a part of her heart? Why was her heart empty? The edge of the platform had a repeating pattern of silver flowers, and he thought it was odd that they shared a pattern.

The entire platform of their heart was splintered, like a piece of glass that had been shattered and glued back together. Poorly. As though a single blow would shatter it again. Xehanort stood suspended above the delicate looking platform, looking utterly unimpressed, with Vanitas behind and to his side.

“Pathetic.” He summoned his keyblade, pointing it at the platform and unleashing its power in a single burst. Two fragmented hearts floated up as the shards rained down into the darkness, twisting around each other as smaller platforms formed out of the vanishing pieces that seemed to shimmer briefly before extinguishing. Was this what had happened with him and Ventus? Something that looked so deceptively simple, it had hurt so  _ badly _ …

The first platform had the silver haired boy now in the center alone, still with his four companions as well as a new circle showing Yonah. The flowers were still decorating the outermost edge, and light-blue the main coloration for his platform. Both platforms were still lightly cracked, though not nearly as badly as they had been before.

Yonah’s platform was slightly different, while it still had the flowers at the edge it now also had moogles interspaced between each flower, and her background coloration was the same grey as her eyes. Her appearance showed her looking years younger, with her hood and goggled up but hair still silvered. Three circles were present behind in her heart, one showing the boy that had just been separated from her heart, another with the same silver-haired woman, and the third-

No. No way. No no no no  **no no no** . They had only known each other for six months. He was just someone a client, someone who used her, someone who  _ betrayed her _ how could he  _ possibly be _ -

Had Xehanort noticed? It didn’t seem like he was paying much attention, and...were they leaving now? Hamelin was saying something, he hadn’t been paying attention. Shit, was it important?

It seemed brighter in that horrible bright room now. Popela and Hamelin were working in a frenzy on that boy, was he not stabilizing after they placed his heart? Maybe this fake-body thing wasn’t so great after all. He’d managed to create his own somehow, something about how His and Ventus’ hearts had had a perfect balance...his memory of it was hazy at best. A glance at the table where Yonah had been strapped down revealed the girl was now on the floor. Apparently, the body she had been in had...reverted in age? Was that a side effect of releasing the other heart she had been housing? Fuck, she looked younger then him now. What was she twelve, thirteen?...dead?

The boy gave a gasping shriek, attempting to shove Popela away from him as he clawed at his chest. “Yonah!” His head turned back and forth frantically, looking for the girl. His face lost what little color it had when his gaze fell on the girl. “No!” Hamelin was attempting to shine a penlight into the patient's eyes, and seemed to be losing his patience “Now now, none of that. Welcome back to the world of the living Nier.”

The name seemed to echo in the room, like the world had been waiting, holding its breath to hear the name spoken. Nier struggled again, making a solid attempt to headbutt Hamelin. “Get away from me! I have to help Yonah!” Hamelin shook his head, sighed in exasperation.

“Such a one-track mind. Fourteen hundred years and you never did find something else to occupy your time. Your sister is dead, now let me ack-” Nier managed to shake off both the ‘doctor’ and his android before slip-sliding his way to his sister’s body, cradling the fresh corpse in his arms. “Yonah! Yonah!” Hamelin sighed.

“Really now. Is that all that concerns you? The fate of your world, your species, hangs in the balance, and still the only things that occupies your mind is one sickly girl...it would be so much easier to just let her pass...very well. I offer you the same deal. Become the source of Maso and your sister will be kept alive.” Nier placed Yonah’s too-still body down carefully before approaching Hamelin and punching him straight in his face, grabbing the man by the collar before he could recover and getting in two more punches before Popela restrained him. He spat in her face, breathing heavily.

“Fuck you.”

“Now now, there’s no need for-”

“Fuck. You.”

“Do we have a deal? Your sister’s body grows colder by the minute, the longer you delay, the less chance we have of resuscitating her successfully-”

“Gestaltize me. You piece of shit, but if you hurt her, if you do  **anything to my sister-** ”

‘Wouldn’t dream of it” Hamelin waved off Nier’s worries with a wave of his hand, as though he hadn’t spend an indeterminable amount of time torturing and experimenting on the girl trying to separate her heart from Nier’s.

Popela moved to place Yonah’s limp body back on the table, casting what appeared to be a high-level cure on the girls unresponsive body. It seized violently, doing its best to reject the magic coursing through it. Popela grit her teeth, continuing to force the magic to channel through the reversal. “This...is...ridiculous...how can her body...be this...hostile even to...healing magic…” She stopped the healing, panting as Yonah continued to seize. Hamelin had opened a panel, revealing a strange pod that Nier had been placed into while he fiddled with the computer.

Vanitas turned around, dizzy with the combination of confusion and anger. What the hell was any of this? Why did he need to be brought along for this bullshit-

Nier’s screams cut through the wet noises of Yonah’s body smacking against the table. Whatever that...process was, it wasn’t pleasant. His voice was changing, becoming deeper and sounding like metal. It was unnerving as hell. A gasping, choking noise had him glancing back at Yonah’s body- no, at Yonah. Seemed Popela had been able to revive her. Seeing her as a...child was unnerving. Hamelin was walking back over, with a strange device in his hand. Now what-

He pulled out a shard of her heart with that?  **What the fuck was this man** . How was he doing this, how was he doing  _ any of this _ ? “An insurance policy, just in case...Popela, get this sealed away.”

“Understood.” The android walked off briskly, the shard of heart floating listlessly above her hand in another of those red-black magic orbs.

  
  
  


_ Cold. Floating. Darkness. Just like before. _

_ I don’t want to be here. _

_ I promise I’ll be good. _

_ Please, brother… _

_ Don’t leave me here. _

_ Don’t leave me here alone. _

**Well now, ain’t this a surprise. And here I thought I was stuck with that stick in the mud after we lost Sunshine.**

_ Who...are you? _

**Don’t worry about that Dove. I’m here to take care of you. It’s what she would have wanted.**

_ She? _

**Sunshine. Kainé.**

_ Sis… _

Nier stood vigil over Yonah’s bedside as his sister slept. Noir and Weiss were resting nearby. He’d managed to expand his deal to include them as well, since Hamelin had dared to steal a fragment of his sister’s heart, the bastard had owed him. His fists clenched in fury just at the thought. He’d promised...not that he’s really expected the promise to be kept. But what else could he do? They were back in the same position as all those years ago, when they had been attacked by shades in the grocery store.

Well, not exactly the same position. He would have to stay here, providing Maso to Hamelin to keep the Replicant’s Black Scrawl from getting out of control. At the very least, Yonah was effectively immortal now as well, and would be more or less free to live her life. Should she perish, the rest of her heart would return here, seeking out its missing piece, and Hamelin would place her in another Replicant body. It was the perfect plan to keep them under his thumb forever, in theory.

What the man didn’t realize, was the Tyrann had been sharing a heart with them as well, hiding in the cracks, and had stayed behind in Yonah’s heart. Having an unknown ally in the mix might be enough to turn the tides in their favor. If only Kainé or Emil had been able to make it off of Gestalt...No matter. Tyrann could hide in Yonah’s heart, and help keep her safe.

Weiss and Noir were nearly free of the Grimoire’s they had been cursed to, though they could still be summoned to the books. When Noir had been awake, they had briefly discussed breaking the last of the magic binding them...but it was too potentially useful. If an enemy got their hands on the books, they could be summoned away, true...but if Yonah kept them, hidden and secure, she could call them to her aid, no matter how far they were. A failsafe while they searched and trained.

Yonah stirred, opening her eyes blearily to look at the shadowy figured who seemed to fade in and out of existence before her. Black hair, and yellow eyes.  _ Nini…? _ A cool hand reached forward to move her bangs out of her face.  _ Nier… _ Her eyes went wide, tears falling fast and sudden. “Nier!” She tried to sit up, her body fighting her. Nier knelt down, hugging her carefully. His shade voice came out low and unclear, she struggled to understand.

**“Y҉o҉n҉a҉h҉.҉ ҉ ҉D҉o҉n҉'҉t҉ ҉b҉e҉ ҉s҉c҉a҉r҉e҉d҉.҉ ҉I҉'҉l҉l҉ ҉k҉e҉e҉p҉ ҉y҉o҉u҉ ҉s҉a҉f҉e҉.҉.”**

“Brother...you...your the Shadowlord again? How? What...whats happening?” Her head  _ hurt _ . So many memories, so many years, so many lifetimes of being  _ Yonah Yonah Yonah _ .

**Calm down Dove. I’ll take care of the memory problems. I’ll...archive it. Just try to breathe. And don’t get used to me being nice, this shit isn’t my cup of tea. You get a pass right now since you’ve been mostly dead all day.**

Noir rolled over on his own bed his open eyes meeting Yonah’s. “It’s good to see ya awake Kiddo. We don’t have a lot of time, so listen up. Weiss and I are gonna be dropping you off somewhere safe. Nier has to stay here-” Yonah opened her mouth to protest, but was cut-off by a stern look.

“We don’t like it either, but there really isn’t much of a choice. Hamelin’s got us in a bind here kid, we gotta play by most of his rules if we want even a chance of winning the game.” There was a light  _ thump _ as something was placed by her side. The grimoires?

“You can summon us with those. Tyrann can explain later, when your feeling better. Weiss and I...we need to get stronger. We’ve been inhuman for too long, and our fighting skills...we failed. Sorry kid.” Yonah shook her head, trying and once again failing to sit up.

“No...You told me that Bujerba wasn’t safe anymore. I should have listened. Should have left sooner. But I couldn’t remember...anything really. Not Nier, or Kainé, Hameline, Popela...that we needed to stay away, so that Hamelin might finally die for what he did to our world.” Her hand tightened around Nier’s, uncaring that her brother was a Shade, a Heartless once again.

“...whats next?”

  
  
  
  


Weiss and Noir left Yonah in Bran Bal, under careful supervision. The moogles would be checking in on her every few hours until she felt able to care for herself on her own, and then she was free to make her own plans. They then set off after she had them stock up on her own inventory, glad that she still at least had enough to help them. Being separated fro Nier was...painful in several ways. Physically they had been cleaved, but emotionally, being truly alone again…

**Hey there, not forgetting me now, are ya Dove?**

Being possessed by a Shade was also strange, the voice in the back of her head often violent and giving her the strangest pieces of advice. If this was calmed down, how had it been for Kainé?...Probably better not to dwell on it. Tyrann had the bad habit of imparting memories to her when she spent time thinking on things, whether they were hers or not. It was hard to say if it was intentional, she hadn’t gotten around to asking yet. Partially out of embarrassment.

After the fourth day, she was feeling well enough that she was up and about again, and had to start making her own decisions. Her own Black Scrawl was back, no doubt about it, though in a much reduced state thanks to being younger. Nier had told her she was free to live her life however she wished. But really...the only thing she had ever wished for was to not be alone. To have him by her side. And that wasn’t possible so long as Hamelin has them trapped like this.

So the only option was to...wait? For Weiss, Noir and Nier to become powerful enough to hopefully kill Hamelin?

No. She would do her part. She could craft. She could synthesize. And she would just be put back in a new body once this one died, so really, there wasn’t any point in trying to keep it alive.

**You sure about that Dove? Thats a hard path your looking at. A lot of pain and suffering down that road.**

She left for Bujerba the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyrann calls Yonah 'Dove', the literal translation of her name.


	8. Convenience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are shaky for Yonah in her new body. She's weaker, younger, sicker. Getting back up to speed should be her priority, but when she wakes up in the middle of the night as Vanitas' unknowing security blanket, she has to reevaluate whats important to her. Tyrann is not helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some much-needed hugging for the traumatized kids, of course it wasn't an intentional action for either of them. Cold and scared, sleeping children naturally reach out for comfort.

Crafting new tools was painstaking work. Her old tools were too heavy, too bulky, too...advanced for younger, frailer body. Nier’s heart had been unknowingly strengthening her body as well as keeping her illness at bay. While her skills hadn't lost any of their effectiveness, she was unable to do much of her work, simply because she couldn’t life the a hammer. So, she had to create new tools. Accessories with strength plus five seemed to sap nearly all her strength, but what else could she do? Etching the runes into her tools would take weeks, and her enchanting was barely at a suitable level for such advanced synthesis.

Staying awake for longer periods of time was out the window as well. The first time Yonah had attempted to do more then drink her stay awake tea, the Black Scrawl had crawled up her arm with a vengeance. She’d been flat on her back for two days before she’d felt well enough to even mix a potion. And that was with Tyrann helping her, how helpless would she have been on her own?

**Face it Dove, you’d be dead five times over without me, bwahahaha!**

Another disconcerting thought. She would be dying. From the Black Scrawl, her own body betraying her, if not some random fiend attack or...who knew. Sure, she would be replaced in a new body, but...she would lose these memories. Most of them anyways. Tyrann had promised to hold onto what he could, create a memory cage of sorts for her, but...she would lose the ‘Yonah’ she was right now. And right now, she could remember all the other Yonahs she had ever been, Gestalt, Replicant and Human. It made her head hurt, her heart hurt. But she was...herself. She didn’t want to lose that.

She would anyways.

Maybe if she hid away, was careful for long enough with this frail body, brokered out a new deal with Hamelin...no. She would help this time. Help Nier take down the man who had split their entire world into Heartless and Nobodies, claimed that he would reunite them someday...and then betrayed them for his own immortality. This was more important than just her and her brother. Hamelin was sharing his research with others, it needed to die with him. They couldn’t let this happen to other worlds.

Gestalt might have been fine, if only their World Order had been preserved...but it hadn’t. And now that it had fallen, it was up to it’s remnants to take down the man who had meddled. It might already be too late, if there were already others being split into separate beings, but they had to try.

Tomorrow. She would get her new tools together tomorrow. She would become skilled, and help Noir and Weiss become strong like they had been so many years ago. They would kill Hamelin, with Kainé’s swords and Yonah’s armor, she would make them accessories and potions to keep them going.

**And if that doesn’t work, you can just let me out to play! I’ll rip them to shreds, Take you over, reach into their chest and pull out their still beating hearts with our bare hands-**

It wasn’t a bad call for a last-ditch effort. Nier had given up his existence once to save Kainé, she wasn’t opposed to giving up her own to end Hamelin. She left her workshop, heading back to the Cloudborne while listening to Tyrann wax eloquent about the finer points of chewing on anatomy.

  
  


Vanitas stood shaking against the shower wall, wishing the spray could get hotter. His skin was scrubbed raw. It wasn’t enough. There was no getting clean after…

His attitude ‘problem’ had been irritating Braig apparently. After a week, he’d been desperate to get away from the Keyblade Graveyard. This was  _ not training _ , he wasn’t getting stronger. What, exactly, was he being punished for anyways? Not that it really mattered. He hated the way his hand shook as he wiped furiously at his eyes, telling himself it was the stupid shower head getting soap in them, even though the shampoo had been washed out for nearly twenty minutes.

He stayed in well past the water heaters capacity, welcoming the numbness of the freezing-cold spray. There was something comforting about being near-frozen after the burns he’d just given himself. Stepping out, he roughly scrubbed the water off, leaving blood behind on the towel from injuries that had been reopened from the rough treatment he’d given himself scrubbing himself raw, trying to erase the feeling of another’s hands, another’s skin…If there had been anything left in his stomach, he would have vomited again. Dry-heaving in the shower had left an unpleasant ache under his ribs, already sore from fighting.

He didn’t bother with the lights. He’d spent enough time in this room that he didn’t need to be able to see it to find the dresser, shrug his way into a black T-shirt and drawstring sweats. Shivering, he crawled into what had been Yonah’s bed. For a body that supposedly didn’t need sleep, he sure had been tired a lot lately.

There was a lot of tossing and turning. Quiet, subdued tossing and turning, he had learned quickly not to  _ ever  _ draw attention to himself, but he felt...restless. It was irritating, he wanted to  _ sleep _ . Something...warm? When had he called a flood?...was it a flood? Oh hell, what did it matter. No one would know. He turned into the warmth, pulling it towards his chest and curling his body around it. Cold...tired...please, he just wanted to sleep…

The sun was bright. Annoyingly so. Had someone come to clean the room at some point and left the blinds open? He never opened them. The warmth against his chest wiggled, moving away. He tightened his hold, wanting to sleep more. “Stay.” His head drooped, trying to get his eyes into the relative darkness of the blanket, refusing to open, right up until he heard the tiny voice replying to him.

“...okay.” There was hair tickling his nose. His unversed didn’t have hair. Didn’t talk. Didn’t usually have their arms wrapped around him-

He’d never moved so quickly in his life, shooting out of the bed and landing flat on his ass on the floor, eyes wide and chest heaving, breathing completely out of control.  **What who what why-**

A small girl with extreme bed head poked her face out of the covers of the bed, looking confused as she rubbed her eyes sleepily “...Why’d you tell me to stay if you were gonna get up?” Vanitas scooted backward, limbs flailing until his back hit the wall. He could barely hear over the noise of his blood rushing in his ears. Was that gasping noise his breathing? Why were his hands shaking so badly?

Yonah frowned, slipping out of the bed and half-falling, half-sliding to the floor, doing her best to look non-threatening. She kept her hands visible, what was going on with him? Was it a dream? Nier used to wake up like this sometimes, in full-panic mode. “You need to breathe Nini-” his keyblade was pointed at her. His hands were shaking badly enough that she was unsure if he would manage to hit her, even if he stood up.

“You-you-you-” He was gasping, only one hand on his weapon now, the other gripping at his chest. Yonah moved back, so she was sitting against the bed, sitting on her hands. “I’m not going to come closer. I won’t touch you. But you need to breathe.” His eyes were wild. He slowly lowered Void Gear, a swirl of magic dispersing as he let the weapon fade. His fists clenched, face pale and panic evident.

“Five things you see. If you can’t get the words out, just think the words clearly. Okay?” His eyes darted around, teeth biting down on his lower lip. “Okay. Now, Four things you can touch. You don’t have to actually touch them, just things you  _ could  _ touch.” A shaky nod. “Three things you can hear?”

“...Footsteps. Water in the pipes. Birds.” His voice was harsh, she would have thought he’d been screaming if she didn’t know better. His chest wasn’t heaving as badly at least, but his breathing was far from ideal. “Two things you can smell.”

“Old Madhu. Shampoo.” She hasn’t had a drink since before...before. Must have been him drinking. When? She couldn’t smell the Madhu, was it in his head? “Okay. One thing you can taste.”

“...fuck off.” It was quiet, and he was curling in on himself, closing off. She could see the drop of red at the corner of his mouth, was familiar with the taste of blood herself. Not exactly an ideal way to finish off an anxiety attack. Being sure to make noise, she stood up and kept as much physical distance between them as she could, hoping not to set him off again. She could feel his eyes on her, much like a wary animal. She pulled on her guild clothes over her now ever-present white jumpsuit, the entire outfit much baggier on her child body’s frame. The suit was new, several sizes smaller, but the rest was her former outfit. She hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of getting rid of it.

“I’m gonna go get breakfast. You want the spicy sausage or-”

“Why are you still helping me?” It was probably meant to sound angry, biting. He just sounded lost. Defeated. She looked over her shoulder, and sure enough, he was peeked up at her almost shyly from under his hair. He’d rarely looked more like the child he was. That they both were, really.

“...I’m the one who brought Popela here.” Yonah shrugged, biting down the dozens of things that came to mind. Yeah, she was angry. Hurt. Scared. Being strapped down on Hamelin’s table again, a test subject, no longer a person…

There was a lot she could have said to him. She had felt so irrationally  _ hurt _ in that moment, when Popela had pulled her away, and he had...just been standing there. Even if their partnership was just one of convenience, weren't they friends of a sort?...somehow all of the anger had just melted away when she had woken up to him clinging to her, and she clung back, needing so desperately to be held and not having Nier there to keep her nightmares away this time. That he had been completely unaware he was reaching out, unconscious at the time, was irrelevant. They had to make do with what they had, so she would push forward, even if she had to bury her real feelings until she was actually ready to forgive him. She was good at forgetting things.

“She would have found us eventually. Brother and I couldn’t exist as a single being forever...it doesn’t really matter how she found us. I doubt it was your idea anyways.” He flinched, eye contact broken. “...I thought so. I’d rather just...not talk about it again. Okay?” He nodded, looking thoroughly miserable. Much as she hated to just leave him there like that, there wasn’t really much she could do for him at this point. Food would help, right?

Breakfast was mostly silent. Neither one of them was sure how to speak to the other. Vanitas seemed to spend a lot of time glancing at her hand, and it was making it hard to keep her own food down. Even in a new body with all her fingers intact, the memory of having them bitten off was all too clear. Eventually, Vanitas mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like an apology for crawling into her bed, he hadn’t realized she was back in Bujerba, much less that it was occupied. She shrugged, it hadn’t been awful or anything. Honestly, she...kind of needed a hug too. And Vanitas seemed desperately touch-starved.

It had been more manageable a few months ago, back when he was more relaxed. They would get drunk, sit down next to each other, and he’d be...almost alright with limited physical contact. But now? Something had clearly happened. She had a gut feeling, but there was no way she could possibly ask him, not now. She’d never been able to ask Nier either, once she’d been old enough to realize something was  _ wrong _ . But she recognized that hunched look, the way he flinched away from any hint of accidental touch, the anger in their eyes was the same...the way his skin looked like he’d tried to scrub if off in the shower.

His discomfort seemed to have reached a breaking point somewhere in the silence after eating. Yonah had been hoping he would stay, it seemed like there was more on his mind. Getting him to talk about it voluntarily was probably out of the question, but she wanted him to know he had the option at least. Probably too much to pile on today. It was barely mid-morning, and it had already been a long day. She was exhausted.

“I’m going back to bed. Your welcome to stay, the workshop and room are still open to you. I should have a list of materials ready for you tomorrow if you wanted to stop by sometime in the afternoon-”

“Why are you still helping me.” Utterly deadpan, no eye contact. Was emotional suppression a way of trying to protect himself, or was it the anger? Both? Something else to keep in mind…

“...I need to get better too. They’re counting on me to help so we can kill Hamelin. Crafting better armour and accessories for you? It’s mutually beneficial. Besides, your Unversed save us both a lot of time gathering materials. Unless you wanted to find someone else to craft for you?”  _ Please say no, please say no… _ There was a long pause before Vanitas shook his head, and Yonah did her best not to look too relieved.

“Right then. I guess...I’ll see you tomorrow then. Unless your coming back to bed?” She forced herself to laugh at his clearly disgusted reaction, more or less expecting it even though a part of her had been hoping...well. Maybe some other time? She should probably just be happy with what she’d already received, regardless of it being an accident. Tyrann was making a few inappropriate comments, but his voice was quiet enough for her to tune out as she snuggled back down, her back to Vanitas.

Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move, trusting someone who had already technically betrayed her once, but. But she didn’t want to abandon him. If she had learned anything over her lives, over her brother’s lives, it was that things were never so simple. Especially when you were young. She could use the excuse of using each other for now, but deep down, something in those yellow eyes called out to her, just like her brother’s had. She refused to let go of that.

**You might regret that Later, Dove. This kid isn’t Nier you know. Lots of Darkness and Anger bottled up in his Heart. Not that ** ** _I _ ** **mind, don’t get me wrong! Kid’s gonna be a tasty snack when he’s older-**

_ Shut-up...Nini isn’t like that...And stop talking about people like your gonna eat them! Thats gross! _

**Aww, C’mon!...just a bite?**

_ No! _

She was very nearly asleep when the bed dipped. Vanitas was nowhere near her, but...he was laying in the bed. That had to mean something, right?

“...Go to sleep stupid.” Yeah. It meant something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyrann want to eat Vanitas' Heart, his physical body...or have Yonah sleep with him. He's not sexually interested in him for himself. He may have had a massive change of heart by the end of NieR, but he hasn't changed entirely.


End file.
